Gateways of HOPE

15 I will transform the Valley of Trouble[a] into a gateway of hope. NLT

Whenever God takes us through the land of affliction, He will do two things through that affliction: 1) He will bring such healing that we will be able to move past the pain, and 2) He will make us fruitful from the painful experiences.

God does not waste our afflictions if we allow Him the freedom to complete the work in us. His desire is to create virtue that remains during the times of testing so that He can bring us into the place of fruitfulness in the very area of our testing. He has never promised to keep us from entering the valleys of afflication, but He has promised to make us fruitful in them. He is the God who turns the Valley of Achor (trouble) into a door of hope (see Hos. 2:15).

Identity

Last week I took Riley over to Kenen’s before church , she is watching her for the day because Warner and I both had to work. They all were going to the second and third services. As I was running to my car after the 9:30 service I heard a high pitched little girl with a strong Texas accent calling “Momma, Momma” . I immediately knew that call was for me. I turned and saw Riley running to me and I ran to meet her . We hugged each other tightly. As we waved goodbye she smiled at me and said “I’ll see you tonight Momma”
Tears formed in my eyes as I walked to my car. Tears of joy as well as sorrow because I am now so comfortable in my identity as “Riley’s Momma”. This realization made me miss Alexis that much more. 

The thought of my identity reminded me of prison and how easy it is to forget who we were and how easily our identity can be changed. I thought back to the day I was walking from the library on my unit to the chow hall and I heard some inmates calling “Mrs. Washington, Mrs. Washington” I continued on my way because it didn’t even click that I was Mrs. Washington , in my mind I was Offender 1130254. The girls were persistent and I finally stopped on the white line I was required to walk on and paused wondering if they could be calling me . It then dawned on me that I was Mrs. Washington but I couldn’t really remember when that was who I was because I was usually Susan. Then it all came back and putting my hands on my head I said to myself “ I was Mrs. Washington when I taught school” I slowly turned around to see two of my former students running ( quite excitedly I might add ) to me exclaiming “ Mrs. Washington we are so surprised to see you here in prison “ ( Honestly I wasn’t that surprised to see them ). We talked a moment and then I advised them to behave better in prison than they did in middle school and I continued onto the chow hall:))


I laugh at that story now, honestly I laughed at it then. For some reason I thought of that today as Riley ran saying “Momma , Momma” , but today there was no hesitation I knew exactly who Momma was from the second I heard her little voice , it was just so natural . Then I began thinking of the many identities that I have and have had. But what I was so thankful for is in the moment I heard her little voice I knew she was calling me and there was no doubt because just a year and three months ago I would not have responded to Momma from her because I was Mimi. 

So many emotions rose up within me that I decided to stop by the crash site and say hello to Alexis Rose . As I looked at her beautiful memorial the realization soaked in that throughout our lives our identities and the hats we wear will continuously change but there is one identity that will remain the same , that I am a child of the one true KING.

 — with Alexis Rose Washington.

Dilemma - a problem involving a difficult choice.

It’s amazing how one word , one picture, one song can take you on a journey through your past  that you weren’t prepared to take.   Sometimes it is a pleasant trip but other times it could be dangerous. When I was in rehab the big word was triggers, what were the triggers that might make you want to use again. What could trigger your relapse?  We would identify what we believed were our own personal triggers and were told to avoid them at all costs. The most common triggers were old friends you used with, places you used, etc.  But some triggers may be deep seeded pain that has not been dealt with , emotions that can surface at times unexpected by one word, one picture, or even one song. Something happened yesterday that reminded me of this,  it wasn’t a trigger  for me to use drugs at all, but I saw one picture that referred to one song and it took me back in a flash. The memories flooded my mind, detailed memories that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. They were not painful memories but the chain reaction of thoughts that came to mind reminded me of the trigger effect .

As I was scrolling through the news feed on Facebook yesterday there was a notification that my friend Noelle had listened to the song Dilemma on Pandora. As I read that post I was immediately taken back to 2002 when I was in Rockwall County Jail. It was early fall and I was the only female trusty so I spent my days preparing mop buckets and doing inmate laundry. When I got off “work” I would go back to my cell ( I had a cell to myself) and watch TV. I got off about 5 and each day  I would watch BET 106 & Park. They would play the top ten music videos and  the video to the song Dilemma with Nelly and Kelly Rowland  was the number one video and had been for a  long time. As I thought back  I began to laugh because I was a 41 year old lady watching Rap videos and waiting anxiously each day to see which ones got bumped down or went higher in the ratings. I did love the song Dilemma and the video though. It was a pleasant time as well ( as pleasant as jail can be), I had been locked up awhile and accepted my fate. The first weeks in jail I was angry thinking I didn’t deserve being there believing if I reached out to the judge he would understand why I used drugs because of all I had been through. He would see I was different than the other criminals. But those thoughts ended with an alarming dream, a dream that humbled me making me realize I wasn’t different or better than anyone.  In the dream I was standing in front of the judge but it wasn’t in a courtroom it seemed to be in the clouds in the sky . I pleaded with the judge to let me off easy , telling him  I was a really nice person who was in such pain I chose to do drugs.  I told him I wasn’t like the “rest of the criminals” .  He looked at me and said I seemed like a really nice person but the bottom line was that I broke the law and justice would be served by me going to prison for two years.  As I sat down another person was sent to face this JUDGE but everything was different, we were still in the clouds but now the judge was bigger than life , the judge seemed to be God. It was surreal.   Trembling  I watched the pretty young girl plead her case. Her defense was the same as mine she said   that she was a really good person, and  the JUDGE agreed then sadly nodded HIS head and said it didn’t matter  that justice would be served because she never accepted Jesus as  her Savior. It was her choice to make but  now it was too late. The gavel hit and the JUDGE was about to announce her sentence when  I  woke up  alone is my cell.  I wasn’t sure what to think  of that dream but there was a shift in my attitude and for the first time I was thankful I only got a two year sentence  because it could have been so much worse . For the first time I was completely accountable for my choices and quit trying to blame it on the tragic events that happened in my life.  Thankful that I was only sentenced to  prison and not an eternity  …………………………… I also thought about choices realizing no matter what has happened to us we have a choice in how we  react and how many  choices can have lifelong consequences and how one choice can have life after death consequences. I had not thought about that dream in so long. It was a powerful dream and it taught me that being a “good person” will not excuse you from bad choices in this life or the eternal life. That really rang true when I finally went to prison. Although there were many inmates who seemed evil to the core the majority of people were a lot like me : good people who made bad choices and were paying the price. Who would have ever thought that this little post with a picture of Nelly would inspire this blog .  This life is full of many dilemmas and the choices are difficult with so much at stake.

Shattered Glass

Today I was looking at the pictures of the accident, I don’t know why but for some reason  I was drawn to view them. As I looked at each photo of her mangled and shattered car I was again amazed at how perfect she looked. There was not a mark on her. Today I was especially struck by all the shattered glass, that never registered before. There was a lot of blood as well but I honestly don’t know where she bled from because she looked beautiful almost angelic and I thanked God for that amazing gift. He knew I needed to be able to see her at peace. 

The transplant services  told me they couldn’t use her corneas  because they were covered in shattered glass.  At the time it still didn’t register  but I wonder how her eyes were covered with all that broken glass but her face looked perfect ?? It doesn’t make sense but a lot of times God’s miracles don’t make sense and I believe this was a miracle. Her flawless face was another sign that HE was right there and she is resting peacefully with HIM.  The comfort and peace that gives me is indescribable. This place of my shattered dreams is where my Alexis Rose to be with Jesus.  But what else is amazing is the devotional I found that I had saved in the same folder. The title is Shattered Glass. What drew me to it was how it referred to broken lives but it was saved right next to the photo where it shows her shattered windows. How perfect this devotional is with this whole situation. I am amazed. Below is an excerpt from the devotional .

Shattered Glass

Joni EarecksonTada

Diamonds in the dust

“Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may  become sons of light.”

John 12:36

Shattered glass in full of a thousand different angles , each one picking up a ray of light and shooting it off in a thousand directions. That doesn’t happen with plain glass, such as a jar. The glass must be broken into many pieces to reflect the light.

What’s true of shattered glass is true of a broken life. Shattered dreams.  A heart full of fissures.  Hopes that are splintered.  A life in pieces that appears to be ruined.  But given time and prayer, such a person’s life can shine more brightly than if the brokenness had never happened. When the light of the Lord Jesus falls upon a shattered life, that believer’s hopes can be brightened.

It’s the nature of things that catch the light: The color and dazzle of light sparkles best through things that are shattered.

Only our great God can each down into what otherwise would be brokenness and produce something beautiful. With HIM, nothing is wasted. Every broken dream and heart that hurts can be redeemed by HIS loving warm touch. Your life may be shattered by sorrow, pain, or sin, but God has in mind a kaleidoscope through which HIS light can shine more brilliantly.

Light of the world, may you shine today in dark places all over the earth. May broken people, hurt and disappointed, respond to your loving touch.  I present to you the parts of my life that are shattered. Shine Jesus shine!!!

Powerful Feedback from Landmark Family Fellowship !!

There is nothing more encouraging than positive feedback. I have been blessed with so many uplifting comments concerning my presentation at Landmark Family Fellowship in Mesqute on Sunday. I wanted to share them and remind all of you I am available to share my testimony at your church, school, small group,  etc.  Please contact me for details through my website or Facebook. My story  is a message of hope and how God can turn tragedy into triumph !!

Psalm 107

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,