What People are Saying
These are so important to me, as they remind me where I've been and more importantly, where I'm going in my life - I cherish them.
Susan DeFace Washington was my closest friend in high school. We were friends before that and, of course, have remained friends since, but those years from 14-18 were the years that I knew Susan better than anyone. Susan was extremely, extremely, everything………….. popular, emotional, kind, a great gymnast/athlete, head cheerleader, hilariously funny, generous, and self sufficient.
Susan’s older brother, David, committed suicide when Susan was in 4th or 5th grade (I didn’t know her then). Susan also had an older sister named Kathey who was deaf and was many years older (at least 10 years) and was already out of the house by the time Susan and I became friends. David’s death had ripped the family to shreds by the time I came along at the end of 8th grade.
Susan’s mom, Rosemary, was an extremely addicted alcoholic. I remember Susan finding empty bottles of cologne that her mother had drank. Rosemary was very kind and seemed to have once been the “perfect mom”, but was in so much pain that even after attending a few AA meetings and seeming hopeful for awhile, she finally looked at me and said “What’s the point?” Rosemary died the day after we graduated from High School. The last thing Susan said to her mother, her drunk mother, was “I wish you would die!” Susan found her mother’s lifeless body in the bedroom next to hers the next morning.
During our high school years, Susan’s dad Dick was loving and attentive in his way. Yet, as Susan got her driver’s license and was mobile he would often disappear for long periods of time, leaving Susan some cash on the dresser for gas and whatever: and alone in the house with her mother.
Right before we graduated I went to the DeFace house to pick something up. I found the house on fire and Rosemary naked in the front room. I got a robe for her, got her out of the house and called the fire department and Susan’s dad from a neighbor’s phone. By the time I got off the phone Rosemary had gone back in the burning house. She was very very drunk and said she wanted to die.
I remember being struck at the time by the thought that all of the neighbors that came out to stare at poor Rosemary and the whole spectacle of it never once offered to help Susan who was only 18 and emotionally so alone in the world.
Susan and I stayed close during college even though we went to different schools. As we moved out of school and into our chosen fields, I wasn’t surprised to learn that Susan had become a very gifted teacher to kids who were challenged or had special needs. Susan always had a bottomless well of kindness, patience, humor, and supportiveness. Susan was always way smarter than anyone guessed the blonde cheerleader who could flip flop down the entire football field, could possibly be.
Because over the years we would talk from time to time, I knew Susan was in a great deal of pain. She had married and had three children and even though she was working and proud of her work and family, Susan never seemed to be really happy or content. I was reassured by the idea of Susan being near her older sister Kathey, who had always been kind, stable, and extremely supportive of her.
When I heard Kathey had cancer and was very sick I was so sad and I knew that this could completely devastate Susan. Kathey died leaving children, a husband, a dad, and a little sister who needed her desperately. I don’t think Kathey was even 50 years old.
Susan’s downward spiral after Kathey’s death seems inevitable in hindsight.
What has been amazing is her recovery process and to hear my old friend, my funny, gifted, brilliant friend re-emerge from what must have been Hell on Earth. When we were kids, Susan’s greatest joy came from helping others, including me. That has not seemed to change at all. Susan is now reaching out to others drawing upon the painful, as well as triumphant, experiences in her life.
She is still a gifted teacher who has empathy and courage and the kind of wisdom that comes from making mistakes and paying dearly for them. A person who wants to make sure others do not make the same mistakes, but have the tools needed to navigate through what can be a very difficult world. I am so glad my friend is back. - Peri Gilpin, American Actress best known for her role as Roz Doyle on the TV show Frasier
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Susan and I grew up in the same neighborhood attending the same schools for 12 years. She was known for being cheerful, witty, compassionate and caring. She was always full of energy and life and had many friends. She pursued her goals with confidence and enthusiasm as the happy-go-lucky, popular cheerleader that everyone loved and could make you smile just from the sound of her sweet voice. Tragedy struck her family when she was 10 years old and to follow would be years of a downward spiral, yet she was able to mask her own vulnerability and loneliness. I never fully understood the pain of what her family went through until years later. Her testimony is powerful and exemplifies her strong desire to help others by sharing her story. I am closer to Susan today than I have been in 45 years because of her accountability, her transparency, and the way she embraces others without judgment. She is already making a difference by helping so many that have reached out to her in need of faith and guidance. She is one of my dearest friends and I am so proud of her strength and courage in overcoming her past. I am confident that those that hear her story, through God’s grace, will be inspired with hope .- Melanie Ellis, Executive Assistant Big 12 Conference