Wrong Way- Go Back

Jeremiah 6:16 Yet the Lord pleads with you still: Ask where the good road is, the godly paths you used to walk in, in the days of long ago. Travel there, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, “No, that is not the road we want!” 

When I think back to those moments of life altering decisions I wish there had been a sign this clear but honestly I don't know if I would have seen it because I was so full of justification and rationalization I was just digging my own grave. I'll never forget the moment. It was May 2002 and I had about 13 months clean . I DECIDED to go visit my old "friends" they were my old drug dealers. I rationalized this horrible decision saying I just want to see how they were doing, shooting down each red flag as soon as they popped up . I'll never forget sitting in the living room ( I remember what I was wearing) and them offering me drugs. I paused for just a moment before I used but the voice of the enemy was louder than the voice of truth because I had already believed the lie and went there in the first place. I DECIDED to use and the rest is history. Within three weeks I was using worse than before and had a new drug charge. Within two months I was locked up with my probation revoked on my way to prison. That decision started a destructive domino effect . 

Jeremiah 6:16 is powerful . So before you make a decision that could alter your life and the lives of others pray and seek God. One sign that always stops me in my tracks is when I begin to rationalize and justify , I then know I am most likely going the wrong direction!!!

Michael

The story I shared earlier about a former student  reminded me of another student at a different time in my career. When I knew Spencer (from the other day) I was in a really good place or so it seemed. I was the Special Education Coordinator for the district and things were going well in my life. I was really proud of that position and I was making a difference bringing change to their Special Education Program. This of course was before Kathey was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my drug addiction took over. Let’s now jump forward 3 years. At the end of the 2000 school year I was asked to resign from that position that I was so proud of because I was not a good employee anymore. I was late, missed work, and I was basically falling apart. 
By the grace of God , who I didn’t even acknowledge, I got a job teaching in Garland. The problem was I was a total mess. Kathey’s death had destroyed me and by this time I was using meth every day trying to numb my pain. There is no excuse for my drug use but even in the midst of my breakdown I loved my students, I still think about them today. I taught a Life Skills class that year and worked with moderately to severely challenged students. Many were in wheelchairs and some wore diapers. I had a boy named Michael who really touched my heart , he was a quadriplegic. He was the sweetest boy and one of the highest functioning in my class. Because of his physical disabilities he wore diapers and I would take him down to the classrooms for the most severe and medically fragile students to change him. There were lifts to help because it wasn’t easy lifting a 17 year old boy from a wheelchair to a changing table . It was not a comfortable job either but my main concern was Michael. I didn’t want him to feel any embarrassment or shame during this time so we talked a lot. We talked about his life and my life . We would wind through the halls having deep conversations and he would share his heart with me. 
At the beginning of the year Michael lived in a group home because his grandmother could not take care of him anymore, it got to the point where she couldn’t lift him to change his diaper . Both his parents had died in a car accident when he was younger and that is how he came to live with his grandmother. One day as we traveled down to the changing room Michael began to cry and I asked him what was wrong. He told me he had just learned that he was going to have to leave the group home and move into a nursing home because now the group home couldn’t handle his needs. He was so sad to leave his friends and he didn’t want to live in a nursing home at the age of 17. My heart broke and I cried for him not understanding why he had to endure so much hardship and now more pain. I also cried because I couldn’t do anything to change his circumstances and I was just so sad about it all. 
But he was a Christian and talked about God a lot, especially that day . That day through tears he talked about Heaven and how when he got there he wouldn’t be limited by his wheel chair anymore, he wouldn’t have to wear diapers, and he talked about how he would be reunited with his parents who he missed but barely remembered. I’ll never forget his faith and his eyes shining through those tears. He said “Mrs. Washington you will get to see your sister again one day and your mom and brother too “ Through my own tears I smiled at him wishing I had his faith and that I believed what he said. But I didn’t because I was so lost at the time and I had no foundation to build upon. I wanted what I saw in his eyes but I didn’t know how to get it and I just felt so tired and worn. 

Not long after that I got arrested and I never saw Michael again. I learned he died in the summer of 2001 just a few short months after he shared his faith with me. When I learned that news I was really sad because I would have liked to have seen him, all of them, and apologize for not being a good teacher that year , for letting them down when they needed consistency. I never got that chance but when I see Michael in Heaven I will hug his neck and let him know. And when I think of Michael in Heaven, and I know he is there, I see him running through the streets of gold with his arms outstretched as if to fly. He is free now, free from the chains of his paralysis and the thought of that makes me smile. So very thankful God placed him in my life at such a dark time and protected this memory. Fly high Michael and say hello to my Alexis Rose Washington.

Acceptance

Recently  I was reminded of a student I taught years ago. When I taught in a small district outside of Commerce I taught a boy with Aspergers. He was extremely high functioning ( when he learned I lived in Rockwall he managed to memorize the Rockwall phone book from A-Z) but he really struggled socially. He had a brilliant mind and was an extremely gifted writer although his writings weren’t appropriate at times. He amazed me. I'll call him Charles and when I first got to this district he was 16 and in 10th grade. His family didn’t have running water at their home so baths were far and few between. His typical school clothes were thin pajama bottoms with whatever t shirt he could find. His clothes were usually too small, he smelled , and sadly he was often the butt of jokes from the other students. My heart broke for him and what made it especially hard was that he was aware that he was different. All he wanted was to belong and be accepted by the “In” crowd but most the school shunned him in a way that was somewhat surprising because of the cruelty especially with the challenges he had . I didn’t understand how they could be so mean to him and I wanted to make a difference. This was something I wanted to change and although I really didn’t know how I set out to try anyway. The first thing I did was get him some clothes that fit and were somewhat stylish. I basically got him blue jeans, polo type shirts, and tennis shoes that had belonged to my husband. Plus I talked to the administrators and arranged for Charles to be able to shower in the mornings before school started when needed. I’ll never forget the first day after he showered and put on his “new” clothes. He came to my room and was beaming with pride. I felt so very happy for him. At least that would cut down on the ridicule about his clothes and his body odor but I couldn’t make the other students accept him so I tried my best to create that for him in my classroom . We worked diligently on some of the behaviors that were causing some of the ridicule. When Charles would get upset he would begin to pace and flap his arms talking to himself. This caused him problems in the lunch room setting as he would pace faster and flap harder the more upset he got . One day some of the kids did something to upset him at lunch and they kept on and on agitating him until he was a wreck. I was mortified and demanded that the students be punished . I just didn’t get why they did this, it was awful to pick on anyone but in my mind it was worse to pick on him because he didn’t have the skills to stand up for himself. That day I took Charles to my room and calmed him down leaving him to type one of his stories as I met the students who bullied him in the principal's office. As the disciplinary session started the sullen boys just sat there as if they didn’t care and I lost it, I completely lost my composure and began to cry for that sweet boy who just wanted to be accepted. This took the boys and the principal by surprise as I begged them just to be nice to him and look past his differences and challenges and try to get to know him a little bit. When I was done I was somewhat embarrassed by my breakdown but surprisingly it worked and the boys apologized to me for being so mean to him promising me they would stop. The bottom line was that they really didn’t understand him , he seemed so smart but acted so different. That was a turning point for Charles and although he was never really accepted he wasn’t rejected and ridiculed very often anymore and some of the students took time to talk to him and get to know him. This was what he wanted ; to be a part of the school in someway and not completely on the outside. I could see a change in Charles after that and although he still struggled socially things were much better and he felt better about himself . As his confidence grew and his social problems lessened he spent less and less time in my room. Charles contacted my through Facebook a couple of years ago happy to hear I was doing well. He knew of my legal problems and addiction from reading the Dallas Morning News and Rockwall Paper. He contacted me again after Alexis died letting me know he was praying for me. He still lives at home with his parents but has graduated from college and told me he was going to start a blog sharing his experience of living with Autism. Charles is who I thought about today when I remembered the life impacting lesson on celebrating our differences, accepting them, and being kind to everyone plus laughing at life every time you can.