The bracelet

The other day was the first time in over two years that I didn't wear my little green Alexis bracelet. I took it off because the green beads keep breaking and I am down to only two bracelets. I want to save at least one of these in the box of her things that will eventually belong to Riley. Her friends made and sold these bracelets to help Riley right after she died, it was such a thoughtful act during our tragic loss . Honestly I didn't think about it much yesterday but as I go...t in the shower this morning my bracelet with the missing beads was on the edge of the tub and a huge wave of grief washed over me. I tried to tell myself it was time and there is no way I could wear a plastic bracelet forever ( although right after she died I swore I would) and the best thing is to preserve one so we can remember as time goes on . Moving forward is so difficult because I have to let go and accept the fact that she is just a memory here on this earth and that breaks my heart all over again. I came into my room and just cried. I haven't cried like that in a long time. I can't explain it but I think I cried because I am healing and in a way I feel guilty that I don't miss her so terribly. I still think of her everyday but not as often. So I guess I cried because I don't cry as much anymore?? BUT I don't think I'm ready not to wear the little green bracelet so I will put one back on . That will leave one brand new , maybe when this one starts breaking it will be time . Only time can tell. So thankful even in the midst of this pain I can cling to the Hope I have in JESUS , knowing I will see her again. Grief has no time limit and is unique to every individual. I am also thankful to be a grieving CHRISTIAN because without CHRIST there is no hope . I know this because I grieved without him and almost completely self destructed but HE saved me !! I am so blessed and already feeling better:))

I hate addiction !!

I know I’ve said it before but I have to say it again : I hate addiction !! It lies, it steals, and it robs you of your joy and it robs many of their life. It is so very cunning. It is Satan personified.
There is a girl I have been ministering to that has struggled with drugs, specifically meth, but had been doing good and was staying COMPLETELY clean from everything. I have preached the need to stay clean from EVERYTHING until I am blue in the face. In my opinion an ...addict is an addict and shouldn’t do anything. She listened to me for a while, she listened to the truth but then something happened , the voice of addiction began to whisper in her ear probably at her most vulnerable time. It is as if the addiction enticed her by telling her it was okay to drink , everyone drinks and it won’t hurt to have one or two, that her problem was meth not alcohol. She believed the lie and started drinking again. And for a while it was okay and since her world didn’t crumble in a day she began to drink more and then she started taking some pills. She justified that pills weren’t her problem that it was meth and she was only taking the pills to relax, she even got them from a doctor so that made it okay in her mind. I begged her to be careful , telling her she was playing with fire . The last time we talked she told me she was taking Adderall to help her focus. Again I told her to stop and listen to the voice of truth and to look back at how this was unfolding. She had gone from drinking , to pills , and now she was taking speed and it wouldn’t be long until she was on meth again. She justified it all with lies sprinkled a pinch of truth so all I could do was pray.
She quit answering my calls and texts but I continued to try and reach her and I continued to pray. I just learned she was in jail with a felony possession charge. Possession of meth. And this is why I hate addiction.
In my mind an addict is an addict. I have drawn a line in the sand and will not compromise. I have not crossed that line is over 12 years even when I had an abscessed tooth which is the worse pain I have ever experienced. It was worse than childbirth without an epidural. I won’t drink, take a pain pill, take an anxiety pill, take any pill other than a Tylenol. That is my stance on this. I know there are extenuating circumstances of people in excruciating pain from cancer and other debilitating diseases so I can’t speak to that but that is not my case and that was not hers. Addiction is cunning and it comes disguised as everything you want, don’t fall for lie. Listen to the Voice of Truth !!