My Sammy - Part II
Susan WashingtonMy Handsome Boy :)))
As I said God has worked powerfully through circumstances in each one of my children’s lives to draw me closer to HIM. It is really quite amazing. Sammy’s circumstance may be the most powerful of all. It was because of Sammy’s friendship with Alex Jensen that I even came to know the Lord. It was witnessing God’s strength and power in Alex’s family during the most devastating circumstances: the tragic death of a 12 year old boy.
Sammy and Alex had met in the summer of 2004 before 6thgrade and had become the best of friends. They ended up being on the same football team, the Patriots, and their friendship deepened. Then that fateful Christmas when the Jensen’s went snow skiing and Alex skied into that tree and died so young. I will never forget coming home from work at Dickey’s and Sammy sitting on the couch crying and telling me Alex had died. I was so shocked and devastated for the family. I thought they would deteriorate and self destruct like my family did when David died. But to my amazement they didn’t!! They were empowered with strength, hope, and courage and I wasn’t sure where that came from but I knew I needed it desperately in my life. For them to endure this tragedy the way they did and witnessing the hope they still had which was evident within their spirit stirred a longing and hunger deep within my heart and soul.
That was the event, as tragic as it was, that led me to the Lord. God used Alex’s death, not that he caused it but he used it powerfully in mine and many lives, to bring me to the place of trust and acceptance where people took off their masks and shared in vulnerabilty. It was a place where I could open up and share my tragic past which led me to the truth and finally set me free. That freedom has trickled down to my children as they have witnessed God’s transformational power in my life. God is restoring what was lost in our lives : ))
Now I don’t want to imply that Sammy is a perfect kid, he isn’t. He has had his struggles and made poor choices. There was a curfew ticket, a minor in consumption ticket, and times he lied to me about what he was doing. The amazing thing about my relationship with Sammy is once we got down to the truth of what was really going on we could discuss it in depth after our emotions had calmed down. I know at times Sammy still makes some poor choices. (I wish my kids would not drink or experiment with any drugs at all but I know that is not the case so the best I can do is pass along my experience hoping they will listen and praying to God to speak to them. God is working in their lives and I know HE has Sammy’s heart. All I know is I trust God completely with my children)
(Below is a photo of Sammy and Kendall minutes after she was born. He was there for the whole thing to support his sister Hailey. He had plans to go to Tennessee on vacation but decided the birth of his niece was more important :))
Sammy started working right after he turned 16 and still holds his job at Sonic. Sonic is a great job he makes a good hourly wage and gets tips. The tips are really unbelievable, there has been nights he has come home with over $100 in tips and that does not count the change (Hailey worked at Sonic also and quit at one time to go be a server at On the Border, she had to return to Sonic because she made more money ) I am very proud of his work ethic. He pays for his phone and insurance plus he bought his own car. He is very responsible.
At one point during high school I was scared he was going to quit. I became consumed with him passing and doing his school work. Something was wrong because I was much more worried about this than he was. It was really causing me a lot of stress because I already had enough on my plate. So his junior year I told him I was done harassing him. I told him I loved him and if he chose to go to Choice or get his GED I would support him . (It was such a release to let go of that situation, I really had no control over it anyway. My main concern was that he knew I loved him and was proud of him no matter what) I truly Let it Go and Gave it to God. I never picked it up again.
After our talk Sammy spurred into action and got serious about school.
Last year he graduated and walked the stage with his friends. During his senior year I did not look at his grades one time, his education was his choice and responsibiltiy. I was so proud of the choice and determination he had. After that moment I knew he would be okay, that he would always find his way. He has a good foundation with God and although he has drifted somewhat I know he will find his way back. I know one day he will be a fisher of men ( he loves to fish now :))
(I love this photo of Sammy !! It shows his enthusiasm for life and fishing. I know one day he will lead many to the LORD)
Not long ago, Sammy came into my room and woke me up after he got off work. He sat down on the side of my bed and hugged me telling me to keep sharing my story that I was making a difference in people’s lives. A boy had come up to Sonic who had heard me speak and was really touched by my story, he related to it in some way. He was quite emotional telling Sammy about the woman he heard speak. Sammy looked at him and said with pride that’s my Mom : )) He said it with pride !!!! Sammy could see the impact and the pain the boy was going through. God has given him eyes to see people the way God does at times. That is such a gift.
Last week when my feelings were hurt terribly I called my Sammy and as always he was my encourager speaking in love, truth, and wisdom. The comment that stuck with me the most was when he said “Mom you are getting quite a bit of publicity and with that you are going to have some critics but you can’t let their opinion get your down, you need to focus on all the people who love and support you, the ones that need to hear your hope. You don’t know what is going on in the people’s lives who are being critical but you can’t let it hurt your feelings. You’re going to have to toughen up a little. I love you : )) “ Out of the mouths of babes, again I was amazed at his wisdom. He is such a blessing.
My children and I have a bond that is very strong and has withstood many trials. As I watched Sammy walk across that stage when he graduated last May I felt the presence of the Lord, his joy was my strength. I was so thankful to Our Sovereign God and what he had done in our lives. This could have been a much different story. Although we have had our ups and downs all three of my children walked that stage and each one of them are finding their place in the world. They have to figure it out financially on their own and they all work very hard to do that. They have learned if they want something they have to work for it : ) It has been such a blessing to watch them. God has given me a glimpse into their hearts so even when they make a poor choice I know deep within my own heart they will turn it around and get it together.
I stress all the time that the choices we make have consequences and some of them can impact our lives forever praying they will think before they act. I read a report recently that 7 out of 10 children of incarcerated parents will end up in the criminal justice system and that is more likely when the mother is incarcerated also. My kids got a double whammy; we both got in trouble and were sent away. And because of my relapse I was gone for 2 years but because of God’s grace and mercy he has restored my children to me. They love me and I love them. We serve an awesome God and he is still in the business of miracles. My life and my relationship with my children is one of God's miracles, His grace is all over us and I am so very thankful for that.
As I said I love my children’s hearts. When I had to make the decision to leave my husband of 25 years after all we had been through they understood that it was a choice I had to make. It was a choice God told me to make and I struggled with that. But my husband has chosen not to stay sober. He has a beautiful heart and soul but he is trapped in an addiction and I felt as if my soul was beginning to die and the hopelessness I lived with for so long was taking root in my heart again. I couldn’t let that happen.
Hailey, Alexis, and Sammy have supported me through this separation while still loving their father. Sammy looked at me the other day and gave me a hug saying you did the right thing, you had to leave. I am so blessed no one is pointing fingers they all understand. My next blog will be about my marriage and of course I am at fault also. My husband has just chosen alcohol over me , that has been the story of my life: my parents also chose alcohol over me. The only difference is I am now the daughter of the Most High and that is not acceptable. I am worth more than that and it is okay to have a boundary that I refuse to live with an active alcoholic. I will share more later .
Reader Comments (6)
Sammy sounds like he's well-grounded in his knowledge of God. The enemy doesn't like what you've become — you were firmly in his clutch but Jesus freed you. If you're not being harassed then you're you're not doing your job. God will use the enemy's attacks for your own good.
Sammy understands how the enemy wants to discourage you. Who taught him that? It was the Lord speaking through him.
May Sammy see what you've truly become, how much freedom there is in Christ, and how people will understand God's truth when he speaks in love. As you said, may Sammy become a fisher of men.
When Sammy resists, the enemy will flee in seven different directions. Whe he runs, he will not grow weak but will be lifted up on the wings of eagles. When Sammy goes into battle for God's sake, tens of thousands will fall.
Susan, I was thinking about how you described Sammy's words of encouragement to you, and this verse came to mind:
“You will be hated by all for my sake.”
— Luke 21:17
Sammy is very wise to know this at such a young age.
Sammy has your beautiful eyes.
What an exceptionally beautiful relationship with your son that you have, Susan. Any Mother would agree. Not many children, especially teenagers would be so strikingly willing to be so supportive of their Mother's journey that so transparently details their own life.
What an exceptionally Gentle man full of sport, love of family and respect for women with a spirit that leads people to it's source. That source must be his Savior in whom he has Faith and on whom Sammy relies and from All Goodness flows...that much, for sure, your son, Susan, knows. xo
Susan, your picture of Sammy small is how I remember him, sad to say it has been that long since I have seen you all face to face. God is good all the time and when he redeems a situation it become whole. I have read (Andy Andrews book) that we make our choices and then our choices make us. Your children have chosen forgiveness and compassion, something you showed them by your own choices to forgive and love. Sammy is a fine young man and has a good heart, that is more important then A's on a report card. He has had to make some tough choices and he has chosen wisely and it will be the making of him.
Thank you for sharing you children with us.
Love Pam
I remember a quote: the best gifts we can give our children are roots and wings. Even though your children's roots began in rocky ground, they have strong wings to carry them and lift you up when you need it most. Fortunate are the mothers and fathers who have given this gift and receive the gift from their children in return! I don't the chapter and verse- I will lift you up as on wings of eagles.
I love your sammy blog! as parents we must let them know how much we love them and i believe it means so much more reading it than hearing it. i don't know why but for me it seem to be that way. i can't wait for your next one. you are a truly blessed lady with so much to look forward to. i love you susan