Part Three of my testimony - July 15, 2012

Here is part three of my testimony :) I know it is available on the church website as well. The parts I have posted are the second service and the one New Hope posted was the first. There is a difference not much of one but they are different. I'm not sure why. I prayed really hard before each service for God to speak through me and my words to fall to the ground.

So what I like to think is what I said was what I was suppose to say to each audience. I love sharing my hope and I think the greatest part is at the end when people come up to me sharing their struggles believing I can relate to them in a way, trusting me. I remember being in the audience of speakers when I was very young in my sobriety and christian walk wondering if I could ever get up there and speak to a crowd, wondering if I would have anything to say. I am amazed at where God has brought me. I hope you enjoy :)))

Susan DeFace Washington's transformational testimony at New Hope Church in Wylie, TX

Part Two of Three of my testimony :) New Hope July 15, 2012

Here is part two of three from Sunday when I shared my testimony at New Hope Christian Church in Wylie, Texas. If you missed part one it is attached to the blog right before this. I am continually in awe of God and how I feel his presence right now. He loves me and I know that without at doubt. My faith is so strong and although I don't "see" him I  KNOW he is surrounding me and comforting me right now. I am so thankful for Riley , she is so precious . Yesterday as we were praying she said "Jesus , thank you for taking care of Momma and I'm happy she is in Heaven with you. I wish she could come back here but I know she can't ( she swallowed hard at this point) then she smiled and said "Amen". She is so sweet.

Later she asked me , again, about Hailey being her new Mommy and that she will now be a big sister to Kendall but she said when we all get to Heaven would Momma ( Alexis) be her momma again and I didn't know what to say so I said they would both be her Momma and that seemed to make her happy. I am trying to meet the insecurity that she feels and it breaks my heart because I know she is so scared. BUT I know without a doubt she is surrounded by love and my dear friend Patti had a vision where she saw two angels, strong protective angels, guarding Riley. That brings me such peace.

I know God is with her. Well of course I do because Riley told me she asked God if she could go to Heaven and see Momma and he told her it wasn't time yet. Feeling the peace that only he can provide. I hope you enjoy part two of my story and I will post part three next. When we turn to God and surrender our lives to him he restores, reconciles, and redeems. That is so apparent in my life .

Susan DeFace Washington's transformational testimony at New Hope Church in Wylie, TX 

Part Three can be found here

Part One of my testimony - July 15,2012 New Hope :)

Yesterday was a very powerful day for me. Not only did I celebrate 10 years clean off meth , alcohol, and every other drug I also shared my testimony at my home church. It was an amazing day and  the largest crowd I have ever spoken to. I just want to share it on my blog.

I see the many blessings God has bestowed upon me and HE has given me beauty for ashes . I see that even in the midst of the sorrow I feel from losing my daughter. I know I've said it before but I am amazed by his power in my life. It is because of my relationship with HIM that I have hope right now.

I miss Alexis terribly but I know he will bring good from it and I will be reunited with her. My testimony is in three parts and I just wanted to share it with you. Here is part one :)) God Bless You :))) 

Susan DeFace Washington's transformational testimony at New Hope Church in Wylie Texas

Part Two can be found here.

A Special Letter from the Jensen's

We have known Susan Washington for more than 8 years. We first met her when our children began playing sports together. Our son, Alex, was especially close to Susan’s son, Sammy. Sammy and Alex played together on a local Wylie football team for 5^th and 6^th graders. As we got to know Susan, we began reaching out to her, casually inviting her to church on occasions, but she always had ‘other plans ‘or work obligations.

Just after Christmas in 2004, we lost our 12-year-old son Alex in a tragic skiing accident while vacationing in Colorado. This was one of the most defining moments of our lives as a family. We quickly realized that the important aspects of Alex’s short 12 years of life here on earth boiled down to the people and relationships he had poured himself into. First, Alex had a relationship with God, and out of that he truly loved other people. And so we found ourselves doing the same thing. We got up each day, relied on our relationship with God, and poured our lives into others. It gave us meaning. It gave us life. We continued to reach out to Susan. Offering simple friendship was all we really had to give.

Over the following weeks and months after Alex’s death, we began to see a remarkable difference in Susan’s life. Previously Susan had been cold to the idea of sharing the deeper things of life, or even just going with us to church or a small group. Susan began opening up and sharing more and more with us as time progressed. Eventually, she opened up and shared how she had fallen into alcohol and drug abuse that led to her incarceration. We listened, offered her a hug, and loved her. It wasn’t until a few years later, when Susan began to share her story with others, that we fully understood the impact that our family had on her life.

Only after Susan began sharing her story publicly did we realize the weight of the pain that she had been carrying from her childhood. She shared with us that after Alex died, she was certain that our family would fall apart the same way her family fell apart when she was a child.

Susan’s story is one of tragedy, like so many others, but the incredible difference is how Susan changed the trajectory of her life into one with such a bright future. She’s still working through things in life, like all of us have to, but we are so proud of Susan and how she’s chosen to pursue a different course.

It’s been amazing to watch the transformation in Susan’s life. We are blessed that God used us in some small way. In the end, God did everything, but we are truly blessed that our lives and our story had an impact in her life along the way.

Susan’s story is one of powerful transformation and redemption. It will encourage you and give you hope that you can truly overcome life’s greatest struggles and tragedies. You can find purpose and meaning behind your past hurts and use them to help others and make the world a better place.

We love you Susan!

Dan & Kerri Jensen

Henri Nouwen reflected :“You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking”.

Psalm 119 :

 ¹⁰⁵ Your word is a lamp to guide my feet
    and a light for my path.
¹⁰⁶ I’ve promised it once, and I’ll promise it again:
    I will obey your righteous regulations.
¹⁰⁷ I have suffered much, O Lord;
    restore my life again as you promised.
¹⁰⁸ Lord, accept my offering of praise,
    and teach me your regulations.
¹⁰⁹ My life constantly hangs in the balance,
    but I will not stop obeying your instructions.
¹¹⁰ The wicked have set their traps for me,
    but I will not turn from your commandments

Henri Nouwen reflected, “You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking”.

And the way we live our way into a new kind of thinking is by being obedient to God’s instructions for our life and living out HIS WORD.

This really touched me and as I reflected on my life I found such truth in it. My thinking got so skewed when I was a drug addict and there was such insanity that it is terrifying to look back at who I was and how I was thinking. I was nuts!!

For instance toward the end of my run as a drug addict I quit drinking alcohol:  I basically quit drinking all liquids because that is what meth does to you. You get really dehydrated.  One day I was locked in my bathroom getting high and realized that I hadn’t drank any beer or alcohol in over a month. I got really excited and took another hit off my pipe smiling at myself with pride in the mirror thinking I wasn’t like my parents at all. My goal had been not to be like them in any way and I had achieved that goal or so I thought in the recesses of my altered mind :  I wasn’t an  alcoholic  who was passed out all the time !!!  I was really proud of this “accomplishment” as I smoked methamphetamine out of a glass pipe, locked in a bathroom, while neglecting my kids. It was INSANITY at its worst and I didn’t recognize that until I got arrested and they threw away the key for a year. It was very disturbing to see how “off” I was and didn’t even realize it. I was so blinded to the truth and I NEVER wanted that to happen again.

When I went to prison my goal was just to obey the rules whether I agreed with them or not.  “Just obey ,  don’t over think,  and don’t compromise!!!” was what I repeated to myself.   I couldn’t afford to do it my way anymore, doing it my way ended with me in prison. It was in prison that the motto for my life became “NO COMPROMISES” and I have tried to continue that since I have been out.  Even though I didn’t know God at that time, in his mercy and grace,  he gave me revelation into the dangers of making those small compromises that change who we are , what we believe, and how we think a little at a time .This happens at such a slow pace we aren’t even aware of the changes in place until we look in the mirror and don’t recognize who is looking back at us.  So with my best resolve I tried not to compromise in my morals, values, or the rules.

(Now there was a situation in prison where I did compromise but I weighed the consequences, thought it through and was willing to take the risk. If I got in trouble I would own it but the bottom line was I really wanted to help another inmate. There was a very sweet girl that had been locked up for about 10 years. She had no family, no commissary, and no outside support but she had a great attitude with a smile always on her face. The way she made money (and by that I mean someone bought her commissary) was by doing other inmates laundry (white t-shirts they had purchased). It was against rules to buy commissary for other inmates and if you did you could get a case and get in trouble.  She was awesome at this job, the clothes came out so brilliantly white I was totally amazed !!  : ))To be amazed at a white t- shirt in prison is saying something because that is all we wore: EVERYTHING WAS WHITE except our army green coats. She had perfected this skill. One of her best customers had paroled and she came and asked me if I needed any laundry done and I told her sure even though I didn’t really care about my t-shirts, I really  just wanted to help her out. She would do the laundry and I would buy her stuff when I went to commissary. It wasn’t much, mainly personal hygiene products and coffee. I would beg her to let me by her some candy or something fun and sometimes she would relent and say okay. The day I bought her a pint of bluebell  ice cream ( cookies and cream ) as a surprise is a day I will never forget . The look of excitement and gratitude made her always smiling face beam brighter. That was such a gift to me and I could have cared less if I got in trouble or not. Now I’m not sure if that was right because I did break the rules and therefore compromised  but I know I will never forget the smile on her face as she ate that ice cream and how it made my heart feel to help someone less fortunate than myself. As I said I thought about it and was willing to risk getting in trouble. I just wanted to be honest about my “No Compromise “ motto : ))) And honestly I still make compromises but I do try and always examine the motives of my heart and what I my true intentions are when I do. This is tough stuff !!!)

Today as I read Henri Nouwen’s reflection I realized that has come true in my life: “ I have lived my way into a new kind of thinking”  There are things I did 10 years ago that I wouldn’t even consider doing today and most of them were small things  ( now of course there were the huge things also but it is usually by compromising in the small gray areas that our thinking becomes distorted  and then compromising in the huge areas just doesn’t seem that bad)  that weren’t black and white , they were actions that fell into the gray areas (at least in my mind ) where it was easier to justify and rationalize the action ( for instance I had gone to the grocery store and bought a lot of groceries. I had put a case of diet cokes on the bottom of the cart and the clerk did not charge me for them . When I unloaded my groceries and looked over my receipt I noticed the error and thought it was my lucky day because I got a free case of cokes. I didn’t once think about returning to pay for them because “it wasn’t my fault” “ the clerk should have paid more attention” etc. Today I would go back immediately to pay , I would not entertain any thoughts of any other action. So I have lived my way into a new way of thinking because His word is now a lamp to my feet and I know if I make the smallest compromise in my morals or values that come from HIS word I have cracked the window to my soul giving the enemy a chance to trap me again. Now I sin everyday but my struggles have changed over the last decade because of the way I have lived and the way I now think. I think it is called sanctification; he is peeling back the layers and working on me a little at a time.