It takes so little to reach out - Angela- The grace of God

Spending time with my "daughter" Angela. Talk about the grace of God!!!!

A little over four years ago Angela was sitting in a jail cell facing a revocation of her probation and possible prison time. It was then I reached out to her, writing letters and just loving her. Thankfully her probation was reinstated and she was released from jail. She was eight months pregnant and determined to change her life. She started coming to church and hometeam with me, and God has transformed her life. She has totally turned her life around. Saturday she leaves for South Africa on her first mission trip. I am so blessed to have watched this unfold. Our God is an awesome God:)) I love you Angela. I'm so glad I wrote those letters when God prompted me to reach out. It was that simple:)) a letter just letting her know I cared, then inviting her to church and home team.

       

Alexis and Riley

Each test came out as positive as the one before and the realization sunk in that I had a pregnant 15 year old daughter.  Selfish thoughts immediately began to bombard my mind: “what will people think of me? I’ve been to prison, am a recovering drug addict, and now I have a pregnant 15 year old” to the worst one of all “we can get an abortion, pretend it never happened, and no one will ever know.”  That thought stopped me in my tracks because it was the way I had learned to deal with everything from the time I was ten years old and my brother committed suicide. 

It was a thought pattern ingrained so deeply I had to be intentional to change it. My whole life I had dealt with things by locking them away and pretending they didn't happen, and we know where that got me. So I captured those evil thoughts and brought them into obedience declaring that is not who I am anymore! I don’t hide in fear from the truth, I face the truth head on.

Thankfully I found out Alexis was pregnant on a Wednesday afternoon and I had hometeam that night. I had begun leading a hometeam at New Hope and many of us were in recovery. That night after a time of praise and worship I looked at this group of about 15-20 people and said I had something to say. Tearing up I confessed that I just learned my 15 year old daughter was pregnant. 

As with every trial before that I confessed to my church family I was surrounded with love and support. Amazingly I was told of different people at my church who had the same experience and chose different options: one kept the baby and another put her baby up for adoption. The couple I reached out to for advice were respected leaders in our church and had experienced this years before. The shame that the enemy was trying to trap me in immediately left and I had hope, I didn’t feel alone. Again what the enemy mean for evil God brought good from.

Alexis made the choice to keep her baby and we said we would support her decision. (I cannot imagine life without Riley now, I just can't, I love her with all my heart and she has brought such joy to our family) My oldest daughter Hailey was so scared that the kids at school would be mean to Alexis, making fun of her. I don't know if that happened or not. Alexis is a pretty tough girl so she never mentioned it.

What I remember the most is how she took care of herself being sure to eat healthy food, putting ear phones on her stomach and playing Beethoven, and sewing blankets, dolls, and pillows for her unborn baby. Her care didn't stop when Riley was born on June 25, 2008. She chose to nurse Riley because she had learned that was best for her baby. I thought she might stop when she started her junior year in the fall but NO , Alexis took a pump to school and would go to the nurses office throughout the day so she could continue to nurse Riley. She did that until January.

I am still amazed by that :) I remember her saying that she wished the bag for the pump was more stylish:) I told her I didn't think they would design breast pumps for teenagers :) I don't want to sugarcoat anything because it has been extremely hard and there have been many ups and downs for Alexis. But she has strength and I know she will be okay. When I am scared for her I always think of dropping her off at school (her DL was put on hold for awhile)  her junior year and her jumping out of the car with a backpack on one arm and the breast pump on the other, running into the building or taking her to youth group at church when Riley was an infant and Alexis dropping her off in the nursery while she went to youth. Deep down in my heart I know Alexis will make it. She has such strength and I am not sure where it comes from but I am so thankful she has it.

Today Alexis is working at a church in Allen and building a life for her and Riley. She has made some poor choices along the way but has taken the initiative to accept the consequences and deal with them. God has a great plan for Alexis, I don’t know what it is but I know it is full of hope and promise.

At Christmas this year as we were eating dinner Riley broke out into a song she made up. The words were basically "It's a lovely day , It's a Shine"  Each time I watch this video I see the light within her. As I look at her sweet innocence her words "It's a Shine" bring a light and smile to my face :))  It inspires me to shine for Jesus. Let's all go out and shine today :)) God is so good and will bring good out of everything .

Even if you are in the midst of despair and trials  there is hope, just look for his LIGHT and many times we find that HEALING light in others.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My Rosebud

Alexis and her baby girl Riley !! 2010 Wylie High School Graduate !!

A few days ago I shared about my Hailey and today  I want to share about my Alexis  Rose. When I named Hailey I really wanted to name her Bailey but Warner argued with me about that being a name, he said it was an Irish whiskey and cream based liqueur and not a name for a girl. In hindsight it was probably best I gave in on this one with the history of addiction and alcoholism in our families we needed to steer clear of names referring to alcohol and especially names referring to meth like Crystal : )))  ( I love the name Crystal : ) I am really just trying to be funny:)

When I got pregnant with Alexis I knew I wanted to name her something with Alex in it. My mother’s maiden name was Alexander and I wanted to use that somehow and my mother’s name was Rosemary so I knew I wanted to use Rose. We decided on Alexis Rose because I thought Alexandria Rose Washington was just toooo much. My plans were to call her Alex.  I loved Alex for a girl and when she was born she was our little Rosebud.

Alexis was a little spit fire of a baby and very beautiful. She was born on Feb. 29, 1992 and we knew she would be special. Everything surrounding her birth was special. My husband had left on Friday night Feb.28 1992  to go pick up Chinese Food and while he was gone my water broke. In a panic I called my sister but there was no answer and I called all my teacher friends to try to find someone to watch Hailey. No one was at home that Friday night.  Scared because I was alone I called the Chinese restaurant and asked them to find my husband and let me speak to him. Minutes later he was on the line and said he would come home . Crying I told him I didn’t know what to do because Kathey wasn’t home. He said we would figure it out. I started packing a bag for me and Hailey and waited for Warner. Later I saw his headlights pull into our driveway and I was shocked to see Kathey sitting with him in the truck and Carl my brother in law in the car behind. As Warner was leaving the restaurant he looked over and saw my sister eating there !! This was the first time Kathey and Carl had ever eaten at that restaurant !  Now Amarillo is not big city like Dallas but it is still quite large.I believe that was a God thing. I needed Kathey, she was my rock and anchor. Just her presence was calming and I felt peace in my heart when she was near. Warner then took me to the hospital and Kathey took Hailey to Panhandle. Alexis was born hours later.

 People would comment on what a beautiful baby she was and she was full of energy. Where Hailey had been laid back  Alexis was anything but. By nine months she was figuring ways to climb out of the crib. She would hold the side and bounce as high as possible. The only way I can describe it , is she did some sort of vault to get out. I put cushions by the crib because I was so scared she would get hurt. You had to always keep your eyes on Alex.

Alexis hadn’t even turned a year old and I was due with my Sammy. I will never forget on Sammy’s due date which was Feb 8 I called the pediatrician for some more cough medicine for Alexis because the cough she had wouldn’t go away. As I was talking to the nurse she could hear Alex in the background and told me I needed to bring her in. Sighing deeply but not really alarmed I left with Hailey and Alex in tow for the doctor. After arriving at the office we were taken straight back to an examination room as the other waiting patients looked at us angrily. By this point I was a little nervous wondering why we were receiving the VIP treatment. The doctor rushed in and examined Alexis and asked me how long she had been that way. Alexis was smiling and laughing between coughs so I said I didn’t know, I just knew the cough wasn’t’ getting better. The doctor administered a breathing treatment on the spot and called the hospital.  I was instructed to take her there ASAP,  that the situation was critical. Still in shock because Alexis was laughing I gathered up our things and headed to the hospital. At that point I broke down: It was so scary that my baby was critically ill and I didn’t even have a clue, what if I wouldn’t have called the doctor, thoughts like that bombarded my mind, I was due with my third baby and was huge ( in my classroom we would put down tape inside my door and see how far I could stand in my room and my stomach be out the door, it was amazing how far I could be in the room. When my OB would take the tape measure  to measure my stomach in weeks the last visit showed 54 weeks. I WAS HUGE!!!!  I had people tell me I was the biggest pregnant person they ever saw, my stomach stuck straight out. It is hard to describe : )), and I was alone trying to keep up with a four year old and an 11 month old that was deathly ill but felt great wanting to go all over the place. As we walked into the hospital everyone tried to lead me to maternity and I was crying so hard I couldn’t talk. I think Hailey finally told them Alexis was sick.

After getting a hold of Kathey ( my rock ) I felt better , she came to see me and took Hailey home with her. Warner then came when he got off work. Alexis was very sick and spent 4 days in the hospital. I stayed with her during the day and my husband did at night so I could sleep because I could go into labor any minute.  They said it was asthma and they gave her many breathing treatments but she has never suffered another attack. My friend Linda , who I taught school with, said Alexis was just not going to let anyone steal her thunder : )) She knew a new baby was coming and she was going to make sure she got our attention. I think Linda was right.

As Alexis grew she was so very creative. The things she would come up with amazed me. She was and is extremely loyal and loves deeply. She will fight for the rights of anyone she believes is being mis treated. She has no fear !!! She and Sammy were so close in age  ( 11 months apart) they have a deep bond and can relate to each other on levels the rest of us can’t. She could be awfully mean to Sammy too but if anyone else was mean to him when they were very little she would go after them. Of course Sammy grew and could take care of himself but for a short time Alexis was his defender when they were very small. 

School didn’t’ come as easy for Alexis and she was diagnosed with dyslexia but her IQ was VERY high so she could compensate. She was always just so strong willed and adventurous . I remember once Hailey and her friend were having a lemonade stand in Rockwall and they wouldn’t let Alexis participate. So Alexis decided to make her own stand. For some reason Warner  was cooking all these chicken drumsticks , he had bought like two family packages so there were 20 plus at least. Alexis snuck to the grill and took all the drumsticks. She then set up a table on the side of the road and had a drumstick sale. She was so cute holding up the drumsticks  shouting “drumsticks for sale” that her drumstick stand was hit and she made more than Hailey and her friend, now of course our dinner was gone but it was okay we still laugh at the memory.

Another time I remember we got home from Campbell, at this point all the kids were going to school with me and this probably happened during our drug use. We got home and I was locked out of the house. We went around to try every window but nothing was unlocked . I was about to cry when Hailey told me to look on the roof. Alexis who was probably 6 at the time had somehow climbed  up there. She proceeded to tell me she would go down the chimney that if it worked for Santa Claus it could work for her. Screaming I told her “NOOO” because I knew she would do it. She looked at me and pointed her hand out and said “It is a free world and I can do as I please “as dramatically as possible. The dramatics of the situation caused her to sway slightly and then she grabbed the chimney and got scared. Luckily a cable guy was working on a house nearby and brought his ladder and rescued Alexis.

Her heart  is always in the right place but sometimes we just need to channel that energy into more appropriate responses.

Another thing about Alexis is you could never use child psychology on her. We would all be at a store and I would be ready to leave and the kids wouldn’t. In frustration and impatience I would tell them “okay I’m leaving you can stay here “ and start walking out the door . Hailey and Sammy would come running saying don’t leave me Momma hugging me tightly. Alexis would roll her eyes and say “You’re not going to leave me. You might act like you are and you might even go outside but you wouldn’t leave me “ She ALWAYS called my bluff. There was no reverse psychology with her. God gave her a deep wisdom and discernment that I noticed at a very young age..

Alexis has never been a morning person either. The day she graduated from High School I thanked God genuinely that I would never have to get her up again J She is just most productive at night. I couldn’t keep up with her. During the week I would repeatedly tell her to get back in bed but she had so much energy she would get up and start a project. One night I remember I could hear the sound of  duct tape pulling and tearing. It was a continuous sound and I was very curious about what in the world she was up to but I was also VERY tired. I didn’t hear Sammy or Hailey arguing with her so I felt secure that she wasn’t using the duct tape to tape up her brother and sister so I just went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning Alexis was asleep on the couch and beside her on the floor was a pair of shoes and a purse she designed and made out of duct tape.  I picked them up and was just so impressed at her creativity and thinking process. Things would get a lot tougher for Alexis  as she got older.

 To be continued ……………………………………

Update on Saturday, June 9, 2012 at 01:31AM by Susan Washington

I wanted to share this again in the light of My Rosebud's death.  I wrote this blog as a gift to her and I just wanted to share it again.  Thank you for all your support . In Christ,  Susan

Update on Saturday, February 28, 2015 at 11:51AM by Susan Washington

With Alexis' 23rd birthday today I wanted to share this blog again. I wrote this just a few months before she died. So thankful I did that!!

My Hailey

My oldest daughter Hailey is about to have a baby, she is due on March 10. She is so excited and I am too. I can’t wait to see Kendall Grace: )) Every time Hailey calls me I wonder if it is time !!  Even sweet Riley is excited about her cousin’s arrival , she can’t wait to teach her how to play dress up which is Riley’s passion . She is quite talented at the dress up game as you can see by this photo: ))

The excitement and anticipation of Kendall’s arrival has caused me to get sentimental, thinking about my Hailey through the years. Hailey was the sweetest baby and hardly ever cried. She was just so easy. After having her I thought parenting was a breeze. She was very smart and achieved all the milestones (sitting up, standing, walking, talking, etc.) at a very early age.  Her personality was full of life and so engaging. Everywhere we went people talked about how cute she was.  Because of my sister Kathey she was dressed to the nines!!  Kathey was a grandmother/aunt to Hailey just as she was a mother/sister to me. I am so very thankful that Hailey remembers Kathey because Kathey loved all my children so much and it saddens me that Alexis and Sammy may not remember that love which made such a difference but I know Hailey remembers her :)

Hailey and I got really close when we moved back to the Dallas area in 1996. I was hired as the Special Ed Coordinator for Campbell ISD and Hailey was starting 2^nd grade so she went to school with me. The ride to Campbell from Rockwall was about 30 or so minutes so we had a lot of quality time together as we drove even though she was so young. When we first moved back to the area I was probably the healthiest I had ever been because I was feeling so good about my life.

School came easy for Hailey and she had success in that area which always makes things easier, she was well liked and could adapt to any situation. Hailey has and always had many gifts.

As I spiraled into my drug addiction a few years after moving back I saw the toll it took on Hailey. At the pinnacle of our use I watched as my once vibrant little girl isolated herself in her room watching TV endlessly. She was in 6^th grade when we received our drug charges. She describes that day as the worst day of her life when CPS came and got her from school in front of all her classmates.  Her main memory was how sweet her Grandy (my husband’s dad) was to her, he was never one to show much affection but that day he was so attentive to her needs. Those are the recollections she shared with me.

With a wisdom that comes from pain and experience she also realizes that was the best day of her life as well because that is when the truth came out and the changes began. There would be a lot more pain for Hailey because of the choices my husband and I would make but as with all my children she has chosen to walk in forgiveness and love not letting any bitterness take root because  she sees how destructive that can be.

Hailey is so wise and has a discernment that is a gift from God. People can’t fool her.  She might not call them out on it but she can see through their masks and lies. She is empathetic and compassionate to others because she has known so much pain herself. I love her heart!

I am just so very proud of her and who she has become. There were some worrisome times when I feared the choices she was making but I ALWAYS knew how pure and sweet her heart was and prayed she would make the choices she needed to have the life she wants. She has come out on the other side of those troubled times with hope and purpose for her life.  I know she will be a wonderful mom because she is so loving, nurturing, and caring. 

My heart is so joyful right now.

Romans 8:28 tells us And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. And in Genesis 50: ²⁰ You meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good to save the lives of many people, which is being done.

Those scriptures have played out in our lives so very many times. When Hailey got in trouble with drugs at school, I know Satan intended that for evil but so much good as come from that. That incident was the catalyst that spurred me into action to seek the Lord which has transformed my life therefore impacting the lives of my children. That incident was the catalyst that opened the door to the truth in our home because we had been paralyzed by a destructive secret that was taking a toll on all of us. Isn’t our God amazing?  

My daughter’s felony charge for possession of a controlled substance at Wylie High School has brought so much good.  I want to share my journal about that time and the destructive secret. It is so important to have open lines of communication with our children. That is the way we tear down walls, when we have those tough conversations we don’t want to have. Here is what was going on :

What we have learned together, my children and I, are how destructive secrets can be and the alcoholic/addict home is full of secrets. Our home was characterized by silence, it is hard to describe because we are a LOUD family, but silence in the sense of the truth about what was really going on.

I will get specific: My husband relapsed on meth not long after I got out of prison, I was hoping and praying the kids didn’t notice so I pretended it wasn’t happening.  Paralyzed by fear I was trying to cover up his drug use.  

Sadly my kids did notice but they didn’t say anything because they were scared we both had relapsed. They were pretending it wasn’t happening therefore not dealing with their fear which kept building . In their eyes, and anyone’s eyes, the odds were I had relapsed. I did before, the only thing was my behavior did not exhibit drug use but they thought I was just hiding it well.

So my poor babies, who had already been through so much, now thought we were both on drugs again. I can’t imagine how hopeless they must have felt. I am sure the scenes from the past replayed in their minds of us both using, getting in trouble, my relapse … so they were trapped with fear.  We lived in silence pretending this wasn’t going on and things began to escalate. As I shared earlier Hailey, my oldest, got caught with drugs at school. When we finally had that gut wrenching talk, she looked at me bawling her eyes out and finally screamed "I know what you and dad are doing; I saw the pipe in the bathroom."  Knowing she must have seen evidence of drug use I screamed back in tears too that I wasn't using, that it was not my stuff. Through tears I promised her I was not on drugs as I hugged her to myself.

She then looked in my eyes and relief washed over her, you could see the change.  How long had she been carrying this burden that we both were on drugs ?? How scared she must have been that her world was about to implode again.  How had that fear and hopelessness lead to her own drug use? How very selfish of me not to be honest because I was scared, I was such a coward.

That is what secrets and lies do and how they impact our children. And I knew this, I grew up in this, and I still turned to denial and pretense as my way to cope because that was the behavior I was so accustomed to. It is hard to change those behaviors that are so ingrained into our DNA, because you don’t notice how messed up they are.  They feel comfortable and to be honest facing the truth is hard and scary but once you face it head on there is freedom.

Finally the truth was out and my kids were so relieved that I was not using. So as always what seemed like a horrible incident, Hailey getting in trouble with drugs at school, was a turning point and the kids and I finally got honest.  Now the kids and I could lean on each other. That was amazing and they felt secure in the fact that I was clean and sober. They watched me closely for a very long time and I let them reassuring them often that I was not using.  We have now come full circle, the other day Sammy looked at me and said I can’t imagine you being a drug addict; I can’t remember you that way. He sees the new me who I have become in Christ. They all do. I love that. 2 Corinthians 5: ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:^[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

It is amazing to see how far God has brought us. Hailey is in such a good place. I want to share a text she sent to me one evening that I will NEVER delete. It touched me so deeply. She sent this when she got off work late one night , I left it word for word:)  It is priceless, I value this text so very much:) She had just worked a long shift at the Back Nine and had to close. She took the time to send this to me at 4 in the morning. This shows her heart: she was worried about how I felt and didn’t want me to feel guilty so she assured me that she knew I loved her. Isn’t that incredible!! Her text is below :)

Mom i love you so much im sorry you grew up in such a horrible home i just want you to know i have always known you loved me and you are a great parent and person for being able to always show that when it was so different in your life as a child thank you for being so great i love you and am so very proud of you i just got off so i know your probably asleep goodnight

God has blessed me with some wonderful children and I am going to share about all three of them. Today was Hailey’s day!! They don’t mind because they believe in what I am doing. All three of them have told me to share my story because they know it can help people. I am so very blessed.

The Parable of the Starfish

One morning an elderly man was walking on a nearly deserted beach. He came upon a boy surrounded by thousands and thousands of starfish.

As eagerly as he could, the youngster was picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean. Puzzled, the older man looked at the young boy and asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?" The youth responded without looking up, "I'm trying to save these starfish, sir." The old man chuckled aloud, and queried, "Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?"

Holding a starfish in his hand, the boy turned to the man and, gently tossing the starfish into the water, said, "It will make a difference to that one."