Alexis and Riley
Susan WashingtonEach test came out as positive as the one before and the realization sunk in that I had a pregnant 15 year old daughter. Selfish thoughts immediately began to bombard my mind: “what will people think of me? I’ve been to prison, am a recovering drug addict, and now I have a pregnant 15 year old” to the worst one of all “we can get an abortion, pretend it never happened, and no one will ever know.” That thought stopped me in my tracks because it was the way I had learned to deal with everything from the time I was ten years old and my brother committed suicide.
It was a thought pattern ingrained so deeply I had to be intentional to change it. My whole life I had dealt with things by locking them away and pretending they didn't happen, and we know where that got me. So I captured those evil thoughts and brought them into obedience declaring that is not who I am anymore! I don’t hide in fear from the truth, I face the truth head on.
Thankfully I found out Alexis was pregnant on a Wednesday afternoon and I had hometeam that night. I had begun leading a hometeam at New Hope and many of us were in recovery. That night after a time of praise and worship I looked at this group of about 15-20 people and said I had something to say. Tearing up I confessed that I just learned my 15 year old daughter was pregnant.
As with every trial before that I confessed to my church family I was surrounded with love and support. Amazingly I was told of different people at my church who had the same experience and chose different options: one kept the baby and another put her baby up for adoption. The couple I reached out to for advice were respected leaders in our church and had experienced this years before. The shame that the enemy was trying to trap me in immediately left and I had hope, I didn’t feel alone. Again what the enemy mean for evil God brought good from.
Alexis made the choice to keep her baby and we said we would support her decision. (I cannot imagine life without Riley now, I just can't, I love her with all my heart and she has brought such joy to our family) My oldest daughter Hailey was so scared that the kids at school would be mean to Alexis, making fun of her. I don't know if that happened or not. Alexis is a pretty tough girl so she never mentioned it.
What I remember the most is how she took care of herself being sure to eat healthy food, putting ear phones on her stomach and playing Beethoven, and sewing blankets, dolls, and pillows for her unborn baby. Her care didn't stop when Riley was born on June 25, 2008. She chose to nurse Riley because she had learned that was best for her baby. I thought she might stop when she started her junior year in the fall but NO , Alexis took a pump to school and would go to the nurses office throughout the day so she could continue to nurse Riley. She did that until January.
I am still amazed by that :) I remember her saying that she wished the bag for the pump was more stylish:) I told her I didn't think they would design breast pumps for teenagers :) I don't want to sugarcoat anything because it has been extremely hard and there have been many ups and downs for Alexis. But she has strength and I know she will be okay. When I am scared for her I always think of dropping her off at school (her DL was put on hold for awhile) her junior year and her jumping out of the car with a backpack on one arm and the breast pump on the other, running into the building or taking her to youth group at church when Riley was an infant and Alexis dropping her off in the nursery while she went to youth. Deep down in my heart I know Alexis will make it. She has such strength and I am not sure where it comes from but I am so thankful she has it.
Today Alexis is working at a church in Allen and building a life for her and Riley. She has made some poor choices along the way but has taken the initiative to accept the consequences and deal with them. God has a great plan for Alexis, I don’t know what it is but I know it is full of hope and promise.
At Christmas this year as we were eating dinner Riley broke out into a song she made up. The words were basically "It's a lovely day , It's a Shine" Each time I watch this video I see the light within her. As I look at her sweet innocence her words "It's a Shine" bring a light and smile to my face :)) It inspires me to shine for Jesus. Let's all go out and shine today :)) God is so good and will bring good out of everything .
Even if you are in the midst of despair and trials there is hope, just look for his LIGHT and many times we find that HEALING light in others.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Reader Comments (2)
Wow Susan, just read the last paragraph that you wrote on this entry. Hold to it and always remember that. She was a beautiful girl and a great mom. I laughed and cried as I re read these posts on her. Stay strong. Love you my friend and my heart just aches for you. But we both know that he does have a plan.
It is a Lovely Day. It is a Shine. In the deepest Despair, God will not Leave us Behind. Let's Shine. Alexis would Laugh, with a Tilt of Riley's head...this is the Plan? O Dread ! Let's Shine. Told you, Mom, that someday you would Miss me. Never would I have hurt you like this, you know that, Honestly. Let's Shine. It's a Lovely Day, Mom. O, Mom, I love you. Let's Shine. Forever, Mom, Let's Shine.