I love Casting Crowns and was listening to Slow Fade earlier, It made me think about my life ………………. The lines below are so true
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
God speaks to me in many different ways: sometimes He prompts me with a thought, other times he speaks to me through other people, and sometimes he reminds me of my past and shows me how it is significant with the present which is significant to my future. He did this specifically by answering a question that I had asked while in prison . It was quite a powerful moment teaching me an amazing lesson that I will never forget. Let’s go back to Novemeber 14 , 2002 when I pulled chain ( prison lingo for leaving county) to go to prison. I had been in Rockwall County since July 18 and was so scared about going to TDC hoping I might be able to do my time in Rockwall. But at three in the morning on November 14th a guard came to my cell , told me to pack my things that I was pulling chain. After arriving at Woodman, the diagnostic unit for women, I was put in a dorm with about 100 women from all over Texas. As I walked to my bunk it was almost surreal and seemed like a dream, well more like a nightmare. The first few nights I was there I would wake up in the middle of the night startled and confused about where I was then it would all come back………………………… Sitting up and looking across the dorm at all the inmates I would ask , to no one in particular, “how on earth did I end up here, where did it go so terribly wrong ?” My question was never answered………………………………......................................................
Fast forward to September 2005 when I was working at Dickey’s BBQ. I began working at Dickey’s in 2004 as a cashier and had been promoted to manager by 2005. My responsibilities were to count the cash drawers and close down the store each evening . I was very proud about my promotion and that the owners trusted me in spite of my criminal background. My life was finally getting back on track, it had been such a long, long road……………………. One evening a man came through the drive through and placed an order, after he arrived home he called because we had made a mistake. I told him I would deliver him the correct order and wrote down his address. Before we hung up he asked the cost of a turkey sandwich then ordered one for me to bring also.
As I was getting his order ready I decided just to give him the sandwich since we had made a mistake. Minutes later I drove to his house . After I rang the doorbell he came to the door holding a dog that was barking incessantly and there were small children running around in the background and coming towards the door. It was a very chaotic situation . He only cracked the door so no one could escape. I handed him his food and he handed me a 5 dollar bill then shut the door. I almost knocked again to give him back the money because I wanted to give him the sandwich but because of the chaos I decided not to bother him and I walked to my car holding that 5 dollar bill.
As I began to drive away a battle was waged in my mind about the money. Remember it was only 5 dollars . My first thoughts were “keep the money, you deserve it, it can be your tip, you drove your own car over there and used your own gas “ to “he did not intend to tip you, if you want to keep the money you should call Bill (the owner) and tell him the situation, go back and give the money back to the customer and see what he does”. These types of thoughts played back and forth in my mind until I was exhausted . I was basically trying to justify STEALING that money. As I pulled into the restaurant I put the 5 dollar bill in my back pocket and decided to think about the situation later but GOD would not let me rest. It was really slow at the restaurant so I went to the To Go section and leaned against the counter.
As I looked around the restaurant a memory from prison surfaced in my mind, those first nights that I spent in Woodman when I would wake up confused about where I was and ask myself “How on earth did I end up here ? Where did it go so terribly wrong?” My question was going to finally be answered.
God spoke clearly then and said it was situations like this that got you to prison. Small compromises in seemingly innocent situations that are not black and white. He showed me if I kept the money next time I wouldn’t think twice about it. . He showed me how I went from a girl who did not, would not do drugs to becoming a full blown drug addict by making small compromises. It was a terrifying vision but so clear to me. Once we start moving our boundaries a little at a time we aren’t even aware of the changes in place and then one day we wake up an our morals and values have been completely compromised.
Immediately I ran to the cash register and rang up the turkey sandwich putting the 5 dollars in the drawer. It was such a powerful experience and really showed me that the little things are very important. Song of Solomon 2:15 (GOD’S WORD Translation) 15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that ruin vineyards. Our vineyards are blooming. It is a slow fade when we self destruct, so beware of those small foxes in your life wherever they may be. !!!
Susan Washington
Reader Comments (1)
Susan, this has been one of your more significant posts for me. It shows that we end up where we are by the choices we make. But it especially shows that small, seemingly insignificant but incorrect choices end up snowballing in our lives, leaving us wondering what whet wrong. We've all heard this, but when you pull it into focus using an insignificant amount of money like $5, it really hits home.