Rockwall County Jail : My trip to the ER as an inmate

All this business with my eye reminded of an incident that happened when I was in Rockwall County Jail. I had been locked up for a couple of months when this happened in late September of 2002. One night I woke up in my cell in severe pain. I had a cell by myself because I was a trusty and in Rockwall there was only one female trusty. It was a coveted position; I did all female inmates laundry and prepared mop buckets for all the cells. The perks that came with this “job” were extra food, coffee, and smoking. It was a little slice of Heaven while I was in Hell :)) plus I got to make one free phone call a day to call my kids. It was as great as it could be under the circumstances!!!

Anyhow that one night around two in the morning I woke up in excruciating pain. I couldn’t stop crying because my eye hurt so badly. The officers kept calling the nurse concerned about me and she advised them to take me to the hospital. After handcuffing me and shackling my feet together they loaded me in the squad car and drove me to LakePointe Medical Center. When we parked the officer got out of the car and then let me out the back. She then walked me in. It was hard to walk with the shackles on my feet so I was kind of waddling in and my eye hurt so badly I was still crying. We entered the regular door of the emergency room and she escorted me to check in . We then sat down and waited.

This was the first time I had been out of the jail since July 18 when I had been arrested and after a moment I looked at the all the other people in the ER waiting room and immediately became self conscious. People looked at me as if they were scared. Children who had been playing in the floor were called to come by their parents . People moved far AWAY from me and the guard. Then it dawned on me how I must appear. I was in orange county jail clothes with my wrists handcuffed and feet shackled escorted by an officer. I was a dangerous criminal in their mind and that upset me more than I can describe. I began to cry inconsolably at the thought of that and the guard began to comfort me. She patted my shoulder and said not to worry they just didn’t know me. She told me she knew I was a good person. That made me feel somewhat better and a few minutes later we were called to the back.

I was so happy to get out of the crowded waiting room but as I walked past a mirror I saw how I looked. My first thought when I saw myself was “Who is that crazy person looking back at me ?” . My hair was sticking out all over the place ( I hadn’t seen myself in a mirror in 2 months , nor had I had any real shampoo to wash my hair or any conditioner at all ) and I realized that my idea of using April Fresh Downy (which I had access to as I did the laundry) on my hair to condition it was not working at all. My eyes were swollen and red from crying and then my eye problem magnified it all.

As I looked again it reminded me of the photo I modeled for in my early 20’s depicting a crazy woman in a sanitarium. The photo was taken and staged by Nic Nicosia. ( Peri got me the job ( she did make up for him) and did a magnificent job of making me look crazy ) The photo which I have attached was showing an earthquake in a sanitarium and was on exhibit in the Guggenheim museum in New York. The irony that the photo seemed to foreshadow what my life had become did not escape me at all. It was an eerie realization as I remembered how my life had imploded as if an earthquake hit it. And in that ER on that September night I looked as crazy as I did in that picture.

 

Now I understood why everyone was scared, I looked horrible and scary and the tears began to flow again. The guard again tried to console me as I cried about how awful I looked. They laid me down on the bed and handcuffed me to the rail and I waited to see the doctor. My cornea had been scratched and they prescribed some drops and then we were released. Never had I been so happy to return to jail and to my own little cell. They let me rest the next day and I didn’t have to work so I could recuperate. The guards would check on me bringing me my favorite coffee and Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly Uncrustables that they knew I loved. It was so nice and thoughtful of them. Being a trusty did have it’s perks.
At the time the whole experience was so very humiliating but as I look back on it I remember the kindness of the guards. All the guards at Rockwall County seemed to like me and treated me with respect and kindness. I tutored a few of them who were studying for their college entrance exams. They looked at me and saw a woman who made a mistake and was paying the price. They saw me as a good person who got caught up in a cycle of drugs as a person who had a problem . I have always said Rockwall County was my favorite jail and I think that was a huge reason. The officers there saw me as a person and not just a criminal and they treated me as such. When I pulled chain to go to prison and was waiting for my ride to TDCJ guard after guard came in to say goodbye to me , some even gave me a hug. They knew I was so scared about going to prison and they tried to make me feel better . They encouraged me and honestly made me feel somewhat good about myself during the lowest point of my life. I always appreciated that.