Alexis Rose Washington: 2/29/92-6/7/12

Last year I decided to do a blog on all my children. It started with Hailey right before she had Kendall Grace then I wrote this about Alexis.  Alexis’ blog was in three parts,  that is just the way her life was. I really love reading this and wanted to share it again. I combined all the blogs so it is long but it really gives you a glimpse into who she was from birth to death.  Hopefully it will make you smile, laugh, and cry :)  It did me. She was very nervous about this but I think in the end she was proud. This was written with complete honesty and I didn’t try to sugar coat anything. Her life was full of many  beautiful moments  but it also had some ugly parts. Her life was real.  The tears really flowed when I got to this part that I wrote to end my blog on my Rosebud  “God has a great plan for Alexis, I don’t know what it is but I know it is full of hope and promise.”

When I got pregnant with Alexis I knew I wanted to name her something with Alex in it. My mother’s maiden name was Alexander and I wanted to use that somehow and my mother’s name was Rosemary so I knew I wanted to use Rose. We decided on Alexis Rose because I thought Alexandria Rose Washington was just toooo much. My plans were to call her Alex.  I loved Alex for a girl and when she was born she was our little Rosebud.

Alexis was a little spit fire of a baby and very beautiful. She was born on Feb. 29, 1992 and we knew she would be special. Everything surrounding her birth was special. My husband had left on Friday night Feb.28 1992  to go pick up Chinese Food and while he was gone my water broke. In a panic I called my sister but there was no answer and I called all my teacher friends to try to find someone to watch Hailey. No one was at home that Friday night.  Scared because I was alone I called the Chinese restaurant and asked them to find my husband and let me speak to him. Minutes later he was on the line and said he would come home . Crying I told him I didn’t know what to do because Kathey wasn’t home. He said we would figure it out. I started packing a bag for me and Hailey and waited for Warner. Later I saw his headlights pull into our driveway and I was shocked to see Kathey sitting with him in the truck and Carl my brother in law in the car behind. As Warner was leaving the restaurant he looked over and saw my sister eating there !! This was the first time Kathey and Carl had ever eaten at that restaurant !  Now Amarillo is not big city like Dallas but it is still quite large.I believe that was a God thing. I needed Kathey, she was my rock and anchor. Just her presence was calming and I felt peace in my heart when she was near. Warner then took me to the hospital and Kathey took Hailey to Panhandle. Alexis was born hours later.

People would comment on what a beautiful baby she was and she was full of energy. Where Hailey had been laid back  Alexis was anything but. By nine months she was figuring ways to climb out of the crib. She would hold the side and bounce as high as possible. The only way I can describe it , is she did some sort of vault to get out. I put cushions by the crib because I was so scared she would get hurt. You had to always keep your eyes on Alex.

Alexis hadn’t even turned a year old and I was due with my Sammy. I will never forget on Sammy’s due date which was Feb 8 I called the pediatrician for some more cough medicine for Alexis because the cough she had wouldn’t go away. As I was talking to the nurse she could hear Alex in the background and told me I needed to bring her in. Sighing deeply but not really alarmed I left with Hailey and Alex in tow for the doctor. After arriving at the office we were taken straight back to an examination room as the other waiting patients looked at us angrily. By this point I was a little nervous wondering why we were receiving the VIP treatment. The doctor rushed in and examined Alexis and asked me how long she had been that way. Alexis was smiling and laughing between coughs so I said I didn’t know, I just knew the cough wasn’t’ getting better. The doctor administered a breathing treatment on the spot and called the hospital.  I was instructed to take her there ASAP,  that the situation was critical. Still in shock because Alexis was laughing I gathered up our things and headed to the hospital. At that point I broke down: It was so scary that my baby was critically ill and I didn’t even have a clue, what if I wouldn’t have called the doctor, thoughts like that bombarded my mind, I was due with my third baby and was huge ( in my classroom we would put down tape inside my door and see how far I could stand in my room and my stomach be out the door, it was amazing how far I could be in the room. When my OB would take the tape measure  to measure my stomach in weeks the last visit showed 54 weeks. I WAS HUGE!!!!  I had people tell me I was the biggest pregnant person they ever saw, my stomach stuck straight out. It is hard to describe : )), and I was alone trying to keep up with a four year old and an 11 month old that was deathly ill but felt great wanting to go all over the place. As we walked into the hospital everyone tried to lead me to maternity and I was crying so hard I couldn’t talk. I think Hailey finally told them Alexis was sick.

After getting a hold of Kathey ( my rock ) I felt better , she came to see me and took Hailey home with her. Warner then came when he got off work. Alexis was very sick and spent 4 days in the hospital. I stayed with her during the day and my husband did at night so I could sleep because I could go into labor any minute.  They said it was asthma and they gave her many breathing treatments but she has never suffered another attack. My friend Linda , who I taught school with, said Alexis was just not going to let anyone steal her thunder : )) She knew a new baby was coming and she was going to make sure she got our attention. I think Linda was right.

As Alexis grew she was so very creative. The things she would come up with amazed me. She was and is extremely loyal and loves deeply. She will fight for the rights of anyone she believes is being mis treated. She has no fear !!! She and Sammy were so close in age  ( 11 months apart) they have a deep bond and can relate to each other on levels the rest of us can’t. She could be awfully mean to Sammy too but if anyone else was mean to him when they were very little she would go after them. Of course Sammy grew and could take care of himself but for a short time Alexis was his defender when they were very small.

School didn’t come as easy for Alexis and she was diagnosed with dyslexia but her IQ was VERY high so she could compensate. She was always just so strong willed and adventurous . I remember once Hailey and her friend were having a lemonade stand in Rockwall and they wouldn’t let Alexis participate. So Alexis decided to make her own stand. For some reason Warner  was cooking all these chicken drumsticks , he had bought like two family packages so there were 20 plus at least. Alexis snuck to the grill and took all the drumsticks. She then set up a table on the side of the road and had a drumstick sale. She was so cute holding up the drumsticks  shouting “drumsticks for sale” that her drumstick stand was hit and she made more than Hailey and her friend, now of course our dinner was gone but it was okay we still laugh at the memory.

Another time I remember we got home from Campbell, at this point all the kids were going to school with me and this probably happened during our drug use. We got home and I was locked out of the house. We went around to try every window but nothing was unlocked . I was about to cry when Hailey told me to look on the roof. Alexis who was probably 6 at the time had somehow climbed  up there. She proceeded to tell me she would go down the chimney that if it worked for Santa Claus it could work for her. Screaming I told her “NOOO” because I knew she would do it. She looked at me and pointed her hand out and said “It is a free world and I can do as I please “as dramatically as possible. The dramatics of the situation caused her to sway slightly and then she grabbed the chimney and got scared. Luckily a cable guy was working on a house nearby and brought his ladder and rescued Alexis.

Her heart  is always in the right place but sometimes we just need to channel that energy into more appropriate responses.

Another thing about Alexis is you could never use child psychology on her. We would all be at a store and I would be ready to leave and the kids wouldn’t. In frustration and impatience I would tell them “okay I’m leaving you can stay here “ and start walking out the door . Hailey and Sammy would come running saying don’t leave me Momma hugging me tightly. Alexis would roll her eyes and say “You’re not going to leave me. You might act like you are and you might even go outside but you wouldn’t leave me “ She ALWAYS called my bluff. There was no reverse psychology with her. God gave her a deep wisdom and discernment that I noticed at a very young age.

Alexis has never been a morning person either. The day she graduated from High School I thanked God genuinely that I would never have to get her up again J She is just most productive at night. I couldn’t keep up with her. During the week I would repeatedly tell her to get back in bed but she had so much energy she would get up and start a project. One night I remember I could hear the sound of  duct tape pulling and tearing. It was a continuous sound and I was very curious about what in the world she was up to but I was also VERY tired. I didn’t hear Sammy or Hailey arguing with her so I felt secure that she wasn’t using the duct tape to tape up her brother and sister so I just went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning Alexis was asleep on the couch and beside her on the floor was a pair of shoes and a purse she designed and made out of duct tape.  I picked them up and was just so impressed at her creativity and thinking process. Things would get a lot tougher for Alexis  as she got older.

As I said in my blog about Hailey my husband had relapsed on meth and that took a toll on all of us. I can’t imagine what my kids felt or were thinking during that time because I think they were all scared I had relapsed also. Alexis would call me at Dickey’s and point blank ask me if Warner was doing drugs and I would panic and say no. She would say it seems like he is using and I would continue to lie and I know she knew it but I couldn’t say the truth. That put a wedge in our relationship I know and I’m sure despair set in because both of her parents were not being honest and I know she was scared I was using. I don’t know if the kids talked to each other at that time sharing their pain but it was a very difficult time.

Things got a little better after Hailey got in trouble and my kids and I were finally honest with each other about the drug use but we still didn’t tell anyone else. Family secrets are just so destructive: you live in shame and guilt because of something that someone else is doing. Being open and transparent is the key even if it brings about rejection from people that you love, especially the addict.

As Warner’s addiction got out of control Alexis’ behavior took a turn for the worse and she became obstinate and defiant at times and we clashed a lot. I was pursuing the Lord with all my heart but was hiding the fact that my husband had relapsed. I felt so torn.

The night that changed everything in all of our lives would appear to be a horrible incident but God used it for good. Again Romans 8:2828 and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

One Wed. night when I got off work I was on my way to my home team and I called Alexis, Sammy had already gone to youth group at the church. Alexis informed me she wasn’t going to youth that she was going to go to her boyfriends. I told her she couldn’t go there, that I couldn’t make her go to church but she would just have to stay home. She told me she was going to her boyfriends and that was that. Not sure what to do and knowing I couldn’t physically make her come home I decided to go get her cell phone that I paid for. Warner was off on a drug binge and not around.

As I drove over to where her boyfriend lived I saw her walking and pulled over demanding her cell phone. She looked at me and said no so I tried to grab it and then she hit me in my eye breaking the skin and I began to bleed. Crying and in shock I drove away and called the police.  I was at my wits end trying to deal with her, she was so hurt and angry because of Warner’s drug use and he was of no help because at this point he was high most the time and I couldn’t depend on him for anything.

The police came and I had her arrested for assault and she went to juvenile detention.  I called my home team telling them what happened, it was such a hard conversation,  immediately my friends Helen and Terra came over to my house and comforted me and encouraged me. As we were talking Warner walked in and I could tell by the glaze in his eyes and the set of his mouth he was very high and I lost it. Screaming I told him to get the “f*#k” out of the house and then I looked at Helen and Terra and told them through tears he was high on meth and this had been going on for a very long time, Again where I had feared rejection and judgment they surrounded me with love and support. Warner left immediately and entered a rehab a few days later where he would stay for 6 months.

So what seemed like a horrible incident “my daughter hitting me” turned into something wonderful and good? That incident was the catalyst that made me say “NO MORE”. It was the catalyst that made me face my fear and I learned that God would provide for me and my kids. It was during this time that I was able to work 7 days a week which was about 64 hours so I was making 24 hours of overtime and I could pay the bills by myself. There was no one to help me financially and I know working so much wasn’t ideal but the opportunity presented itself and I could support my kids on my job that paid 10 dollars an hour. God blessed me so much during this time. It was hard and it was hard on the kids but we grew closer and bonded. I supported my husband emotionally during rehab , his parents supported him financially. But I took care of me and my kids finally proving to myself that I could do it. I was stronger than I thought. This revelation all came about because Alexis in frustration, hurt, and pain hit me. God is good.

Warner got out of rehab and returned home to see Hailey graduate from Wylie High School. He has remained clean from Meth since 2007 .

During the Fall of 2007 Alexis was still going with the same boy from a year before. It was tumultuous relationship to say the least, but in hindsight she had never been modeled a healthy relationship because of all the problems me and her father had. Alexis assured me they weren’t having sex even though I was somewhat concerned because they had been together a long time.

I decided to believe her but became more concerned in November because I noticed she didn’t have her cycle. We went through a period where she pretended she was on her cycle but I knew and I said Alexis “Do we need to get a pregnancy test?” At first she said “No” then crying she said “Let’s go buy one“. I looked at her and said  “But you promised you weren’t having sex” as we got in my car and drove to the Dollar General store.

Hailey was there when we got home from the store and we went to do the test. I was the test interpreter and when it was done I screamed “Yay!!! You aren’t pregnant“and hugged Alexis. Hailey grabbed the test and looked at me incredulously and said “MOM !!! This is positive, look at this test” Shaking I looked at it again and ran to the store to buy 5 more tests.

Each test came out as positive as the one before and the realization sunk in that I had a pregnant 15 year old daughter.  Selfish thoughts immediately began to bombard my mind: “what will people think of me? I’ve been to prison, am a recovering drug addict, and now I have a pregnant 15 year old” to the worst one of all “we can get an abortion, pretend it never happened, and no one will ever know.”  That thought stopped me in my tracks because it was the way I had learned to deal with everything from the time I was ten years old and my brother committed suicide.

It was a thought pattern ingrained so deeply I had to be intentional to change it. My whole life I had dealt with things by locking them away and pretending they didn't happen, and we know where that got me. So I captured those evil thoughts and brought them into obedience declaring that is not who I am anymore! I don’t hide in fear from the truth, I face the truth head on.

Thankfully I found out Alexis was pregnant on a Wednesday afternoon and I had home team that night. I had begun leading a home team at New Hope and many of us were in recovery. That night after a time of praise and worship I looked at this group of about 15-20 people and said I had something to say. Tearing up I confessed that I just learned my 15 year old daughter was pregnant.

As with every trial before that I confessed to my church family I was surrounded with love and support. Amazingly I was told of different people at my church that had the same experience and chose different options: one kept the baby and another put her baby up for adoption. The couple I reached out to for advice were respected leaders in our church and had experienced this years before. The shame that the enemy was trying to trap me in immediately left and I had hope, I didn’t feel alone. Again what the enemy meant for evil God brought good from.

Alexis made the choice to keep her baby and we said we would support her decision. (I cannot imagine life without Riley now, I just can't, I love her with all my heart and she has brought such joy to our family) My oldest daughter Hailey was so scared that the kids at school would be mean to Alexis, making fun of her. I don't know if that happened or not. Alexis is a pretty tough girl so she never mentioned it.

 

What I remember the most is how she took care of herself being sure to eat healthy food, putting ear phones on her stomach and playing Beethoven, and sewing blankets, dolls, and pillows for her unborn baby. Her care didn't stop when Riley was born on June 25, 2008. She chose to nurse Riley because she had learned that was best for her baby. I thought she might stop when she started her junior year in the fall but NO , Alexis took a pump to school and would go to the nurses office throughout the day so she could continue to nurse Riley. She did that until January.

I am still amazed by that :) I remember her saying that she wished the bag for the pump was more stylish:) I told her I didn't think they would design breast pumps for teenagers :)

Alexis had one goal that was very important to her after having Riley and that was to walk the stage when she graduated with her peers. She did not want to go to Choice or get her GED. She achieved that goal and was so very proud of herself :)

I don't want to sugarcoat anything because it has been extremely hard and there have been many ups and downs for Alexis. But she has strength and I know she will be okay. When I am scared for her I always think of dropping her off at school (her DL was put on hold for awhile)  her junior year and her jumping out of the car with a backpack on one arm and the breast pump on the other, running into the building or taking her to youth group at church when Riley was an infant and Alexis dropping her off in the nursery while she went to youth. Deep down in my heart I know Alexis will make it. She has such strength and I am not sure where it comes from but I am so thankful she has it.

Today Alexis is working at a church in Allen and building a life for her and Riley. She has made some poor choices along the way but has taken the initiative to accept the consequences and deal with them. God has a great plan for Alexis, I don’t know what it is but I know it is full of hope and promise.

At Christmas this year as we were eating dinner Riley broke out into a song she made up. The words were basically "It's a lovely day , It's a Shine"  Each time I watch this video I see the light within her. As I look at her sweet innocence her words "It's a Shine" bring a light and smile to my face :)) It inspires me to shine for Jesus. Let's all go out and shine today :)) God is so good and will bring good out of everything. Even if you are in the midst of despair and a trial there is hope, just look for his LIGHT and many times we find that HEALING light in others.

As the anniversary of her death approaches this means so much to me. In reality it was meant to be a gft for my children, something I wrote about them to show them who they were to me and all the wonderful qualities I saw in them regardless of their mistakes. But now this is a gift to me , words captured from my heart and I can only pray they touched hers.