It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..... Charles Dickens

1 Peter 5:

8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

¹⁰ And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹ To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen

Think, think, think !!!!!  Thoughts bombard my mind all the time and I’m constantly on alert taking these thoughts captive and bringing them into obedience . At times this is overwhelming and tiresome but I know the enemy is watching me knowing that I am weak right now so I need my armor on at all times,

I posted on Facebook earlier that I got a little teary eyed watching Strawberry Shortcake with Riley. The part that made the tears fall was when Lemon Meringue : )) was apologizing to this little strawberry guy that grew roses. She had judged him unfairly and felt guilty about it. For some reason this started a thought train in my mind that derailed : ))  I thought about Alexis ,  missing her so much and then I thought about the time I was away from my kids because of my drug use. I basically missed two years with them because of my poor choices : one in rehab and one in prison. This made me feel so very sad and so very condemned. I felt  extremely guilty about being away. As I was overcome with guilt and shame I put up my hands and said “No” stopping those thoughts in their tracks (  Well with the help of Satan my  thoughts had derailed and I need to get them back on track back on God’s heavenly track :)

Bottom line I was a drug addict with a lot of problems because of things I never dealt with from my childhood.  The greatest blessing in all of our lives was us getting caught and getting in legal trouble. That stopped the madness. Our legal woes brought my kids to Wylie which eventually brought Warner and I to Wylie. This is where I started over, found New Hope ( literally and figuratively) , and became the parent my children needed.  They were blessed because I got caught and sent to prison. I needed that time to grow, to get it together,  and  to heal so I could step up and be who I needed to be.   Now we still had trouble like all families do but I was on a growth track becoming more healthy each day: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. As I got more healthy my children did as well.

So one of the greatest days in my life was when we were indicted on felony drug charges which I eventually went to prison for. As I look at my prison ID there is no shame, it is precious because it represents the end of my drug use and the beginning of a new life. My time in prison had a positive effect on Hailey, Alexis, and Sammy  because it changed me.

Today Satan lost this battle with me and I’m sure he is pretty angry because instead of feeling shame and guilt about my time in prison I am on my knees thanking God for that blessing that changed the trajectory of our lives. It was a blessing. As Laura Story would say :

What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?