June 7, 2012- The Day that Finally Ended
Susan Washington
He said I work full time and I want Riley, she is my daughter. I think my mouth dropped open and I looked at him putting my hands in the air and said “hold up, first of all this is not the time for this conversation , I JUST LOST MY DAUGHTER TODAY !! And secondly if you had a full time job Alexis would have been receiving child support because she has had a case against you with the Attorney General for years. “ I couldn’t believe he had just done that to me, I was shaking . Riley came running between us grabbing my legs then twirling around and my heart melted with love for her and I vowed to protect her in any way I could. At that moment the girl with Riley’s bilogical father hit him and screamed in an angry voice “Tell her who you are , Tell her who you are “ I then screamed “NO” gently pushing Riley towards Jill , Mel, Lisa, and Delaine.
I just was in shock that someone could speak to me in that way hours after my daughter died and how another could want a complete stranger to reveal to a precious three year old that he was her father, a father who NEVER came to see her. Riley just lost her mother: her rock, her anchor, her everything .
My heart always hurt for Riley because she didn’t have a Daddy and I wondered how we would address this issue when she got older. I always thought Alexis would meet someone who would love her and Riley and Riley would finally have a daddy but until then she would just have her “different kind of family” as Alexis would say. And although we are different there is a lot of love especially a lot of love for that precious three year old that captured all of our hearts when she was born in 2008. She had spent her whole life living with her Mi Mi, Papa, Hailey, Momma, and Sammy. That was the family she knew and I know she felt and feels secure in being loved . That little girl is adored but I wondered how that amazingly intelligent little brain processed about a “ Daddy”. She would talk about Tony being Kendall’s daddy but she never once said who is my daddy , why doesn’t he love me, why doesn’t he ever see me. Maybe God was protecting her because she never asked , I think she just felt complete in the family in which she lived and Alexis loved her so much trying to make up for the absentee father. In my opinion she was successful because Riley never missed her missing Daddy and I was not about to let anyone plant a seed in her mind on the day her mother died . I looked at both of them wondering if they had hearts and said a prayer remembering the Bible says in Matthew : But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" - Jesus of Nazareth, as recorded in Matthew 5:44 (NIV translation). So I said a prayer and walked away. Minutes later I looked back and saw Hailey and the biological father having words, well it seemed like Hailey had all the words and her huge fiancé was standing behind her ready to protect. I think Tony’s presence dissuaded any response from the biological father. As I watched Hailey I began to smile somewhat because that behavior was more indicative of Alexis than Hailey but Hailey was going to step out of her comfort zone to protect her sister’s baby girl , a baby girl she had loved like her own since she watched her birth almost 4 years before. Sammy was standing by and then some men from the church went and talked to Hailey not wanting anything to happen . That was the last we saw of the biological father, he hasn’t called or stopped by to even check on Riley. He came in as a tordado wreaking havoc on the worst day of my life then left again leaving us with the after math much like he had done to Alexis when Riley was born.
We left the candle light service and drove by the crash site one more time . It was still so hard to believe that she was gone. She was there one minute and gone the next. As we walked around the site Sammy wanted to make a cross to put at the site and we all agreed. As I was walking back to my car I noticed something goldish tan and knew it was from Alexis’ car. I picked it and held it in my hand turning it over and over. For some reason it made me think of the comforting cross I had sent to my friend , Sharon , who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Strangely enough it brought me comfort , it fit in my hand perfectly and was part of the car that my daughter died in. I vowed to always carry it and I have kept that vow keeping it in my purse at all times . When I am sad I will pull it out holding it between my fingers and pray. It is my special comforting "cross."
We were worn out and had a big day the next day. We had to plan Alexis’ service and we were scheduled for a family viewing at 1:00 at the funeral home in Sachse. So for the first time since we lost Alexis we went our separate ways deciding to meet at Jill's house in the morning, it would beFriday June 8th. I had decided to sleep at Jill’s and there was a group going to get something to eat at Chili’s . I hugged Sammy, Shelby, Riley, and Warner then got in the car with Delaine to go eat. About 15 of us went to eat and it was nice to sit in the restaurant and just be with Hailey, Hailey’s friends, many from my hometeam , Delaine, and Melanie ( who is always there for me ). After eating Delaine drove me back to Jill’s and I crawled into bed thinking I would fall asleep easily but it was as if I became more alert . That is when the deep racking sobs began. I don’t know if I have ever cried tears from such a deep place before . It was as if I was in the depths of despair but I didn’t try to fight it I just cried until it hurt but when I finally quit crying sleep still eluded me and all I could think of was my baby. Her life flashed before my eyes and I began to cry again until I finally dozed off . I would wake every hour on the hour and each time I would be somewhat confused then the reality would set in and the painful sobs would begin again. I prayed for sleep and the next thing I knew is it was about 7 in the morning and I opened my eyes with the sun shining through the curtains. My first thought was at this time yesterday Alexis was still alive , it seemed unreal and then I remembered the dream I had . I dreamed Alexis was beautiful in a white flowing dress hugging my sister Kathey who was also beautiful in white . The only thing odd about the dream is Kathey was as I remembered her in her 20’s when she was newly married and began haveing her children. They both shined with the vibrancy of youth and that brought peace to my broken heart. I got up to get ready for my day. It was June 8, 2012 the day after Alexis died.
Reader Comments (3)
He may have been grown-up and with a full time job but he and his friend sure were lacking in maturity. What a rat fink! As usual, you handled the situation very graciously!
I agree with Sheryl you did handle it well. I am very proud that Hailey let her mother instincts click in and be brave enough to stand up for Riley. She sure is an amazing mother and aunt and as young as she is being there to be a" mother: for Riley as she grows up. Tony will also be a great "father" for her. You are very lucky to have the wonderful family that you do. I love to see you'll all standing together in unity as you go through this trying time. Love you and your family and pray for you'll daily.
Sorry I'm just now hearing about this. I am really sorry to hear about your loss, but just know that she's walking with the Lord every single day. Alexis is watching over you, Warner, Hailey and Sammy up in Heaven. I read most of the blogs outlining the details and I am very proud of you for standing strong in spite of what happened. Keep the faith! And if you need anything, let me know.