It has now been six months:(

— with Alexis Rose Washington.

Alexis and Riley :) Christmas Day 2008Today marks six months since Alexis died. My feelings are all over the place and I think they are affected by a number of factors: first it is the holidays and all that entails, second the anniversary of my father’s death is approaching soon, he died on 12/13/10, and of course the death of Alexis. It just dawned on me that I experienced two MAJOR MAJOR losses in a year and a half, no wonder I feel sad right now . WOW !! But I am trying to not cave into sadness and focus on all the good things. As I said in a post earlier this week that is easier said than done. THANK YOU FRIENDS FOR TRAVELING THIS PAINFUL JOURNEY WITH ME AND SUPPORTING ME ALONG THE WAY. I MEAN THAT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. NOW TO SHARE MY MANY BLESSINGS. One of the greatest joys I have through this tragedy is of course our Riley Roo, she blesses me every day. This morning as Riley and I were getting ready she was excitedly telling me how they were going to make gingerbread men at school today. As she told me this I began to sing , off key I’m sure, “Run, run as fast as you can , you can’t catch me I’m the gingerbread man.” Riley’s beautiful blue eyes got very large with excitement and she asked me how I knew that song. I just smiled : )) I just love that I can impress someone with my knowledge of nursery rhymes and children’s songs : )) Then Riley got really serious and said “Mommy the gingerbread man is pretend right ? Like a fairy tale?” I just nodded and got a little nervous not sure where this pretend stuff was leading. She sighed with relief and said good because she didn’t want her gingerbread man to run away as fast as he could : )) That brought a huge smile to my face as I assured her that her gingerbread man wouldn’t be going anywhere!! Then I got another God Wink through my dear friend Linda who I taught with in Amarillo and who was pregnant at the same time I was pregnant with Alexis. We shared our pregnancies. She was scrolling through the news feed and saw Alexis’ certificate for being a donor then a little further down she came across Tabitha’s Wish. She clicked it to read and this was the photo on the page. WOW!!! I don’t think it is a coincidence that there is an owl in this photo . I just love God Winks !! The photo of this is on my page. As I thought of the anniversary of my daddy’s death , and I always called him daddy even though the relationship was so messed up, I thought about leading him to the Lord on Oct. 9, 2010. I am so very thankful God gave me the courage to do that. It was one of my most important assignments of my life I believe and I thank God every day that I completed it. Then I thought of when he passed. He had aspirated on something while eating at the nursing home and was taken to the hospital. He had a DNR and from the X-ray it showed there was something lodged in his lungs so nothing could be done, the doctors told me it was just a matter of time before he would pass. Melanie, one of my BFF’s, met me at the hospital so I would not be alone AND brought me Starbucks which was and is so very important for my grief process : )) After she left I sat in the room with him and recited Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 over and over until I fell asleep in the chair leaning onto his bed. At about 1:30 in the morning I was awakened by a dream of my mother, it was so strange to dream of her. I sat up quickly remembering where I was and I looked at my dad’s oxygen levels which had dropped dramatically. He took his last breath within 5 minutes. I think God had my momma wake me up so I could say goodbye to my daddy. I JUST LOVE GOD SO MUCH. That was so special because he was the last of my immediate family. I sat with him awhile then I left and drove home to Wylie and crawled into my bed and cried. I cried for my daddy and all the things he missed out on in his life because he wouldn’t let himself feel after David died. But God spoke to me in that moment reminding me of some powerful words from Steve Farrar “it doesn't matter if you've had a great start in the Christian life, or a rough one. It doesn't matter if you've stumbled time and again, or even fallen flat on your face. What matters most in this all-important race of life is how you finish” HE reminded me that my dad finished his race by making Jesus his Lord and Savior and that is all that really matters now that he is gone. I then drifted off into a peaceful sleep. So from all of this I know God is telling me Alexis and my dad are safe with him. How awesome that he is reminding me of all my blessings even when I doubt. Feeling so much better because I am now focusing on God and not my loss. On this 6 month anniversary I want to share my FAVORITE photo of Alexis and Riley. What beautiful eyes they both have. Sadly I learned this week that they could not use Alexis’ cornea’s because so much glass was imbedded in them but that is okay He told me she helped so many and made a huge donation with her gift. Of course as with my monthly tradition I will later share her video. Feeling HIS presence as if HE is cradling me in HIS arms, it is beautiful .See More