My friend Beth *
Susan WashingtonLet me take you back to November 2002 when we met at the Woodman Unit in Gatesville. I pulled chain from Rockwall County on November 14th early in the morning. Rockwall is such a small county and at the time I was the only one leaving for prison. A deputy sheriff drove me to Gatesville by myself. It was such a scary experience; I had been in Rockwall County Jail since July and was so comfortable there. I was the only female trusty so I had a cell to myself, I got to smoke, and I got extra food. Those are some wonderful perks when you are locked up. I spent my days preparing mop buckets for the women to clean their pods and doing the laundry for the female inmates. The guards really liked me and I even tutored some of the ones who were taking some college courses. It had been quite awhile since my sentence of two years TDC was handed down so I thought, well prayed that I might get to do my time in Rockwall. Of course I had nothing to base this reasoning on, just wishful thinking I guess. But about three in the morning on November 14, the guard tapped on my cell and said “Susan,you need to pack your things,you are pulling chain.” Shocked and dismayed I jumped up and packed. It took about two seconds because all I had was my bible, the devotional “Streams in the Desert”, and my white Sketcher tennis shoes.
Not long after my wakeup call they came to get me and I started the process of being released. As I sat in the room where they do the paper work the guards I had come to know so well stopped in to tell me good bye. They could tell I was very scared and each of them looked me in the eye, grabbed my hand reassuringly, and told me it was going to be okay. Looking back into their eyes with tears streaming down my face I nodded in agreement trying with all my heart to believe their words. It is hard to describe the fear I felt and it made it worse because I was leaving alone. When you leave from a larger county there are usually a lot of inmates pulling together so at least you have someone to talk to, share your fears with, a group that you are all in it together. But I was alone , to be honest it was kind of fitting because I had felt alone since Kathey’s death.
As I stood up and the Sheriff’s deputy handcuffed me and shackled my feet I smiled unconvincingly at the guards as they said their final goodbyes, trying to reassure me to the end. I was then loaded into the backseat of the car and we headed south on 205 then exited onto I-30. We then drove to Gatesville where he dropped me off and I began the process of entering prison by myself. The day was a blur because so much went on. The main thing I remember is they threw away all my stuff except my Bible. The tennis shoes and the devotional went into the trash. The guard then cut out my book mark that was in my Bible, I didn’t really understand why because I didn’t see what could be done with that silk book mark but it was considered contraband and forbidden. I would soon learn how many seemingly innocent items were considered dangerous and prohibited in prison but I accepted the rules even though I didn’t understand them. I had finally come to a place where I accepted the fact that my thinking and ways somehow landed me in prison so I was going to obey all rules with no compromises.
I then was taken to my dorm where I would spend the next few weeks being tested mentally, physically, and emotionally. It was in this dorm that I met Beth*. As I said the only thing we got to keep was our Bible and we were issued 4 bars of blue lye soap to clean ourselves with. There wasn’t shampoo, toothpaste, or anything just 4 bars of blue lye soap. Feeling overwhelmed I went to my bunk and made my bed. The mattress was made out of sand so it was really hard to put a sheet on it. After that I just looked around at the inmates who were sitting at the tables playing board games or just talking. As I looked from table to table I just picked the one where the girls looked nice and a little older. Beth* was at that table.
She was very nice but she was also very guarded. From listening to her I could tell she was educated and smart but she kept her distance and had built up some walls to protect herself. Later I would learn why. Beth’s * sentence was for a very long time. She had been a big time meth dealer and when she got busted weapons were found. (You would have never thought this by looking at her. She was very pretty, with a funny sense of humor, and just an air of innocence. Many of the women in prison had a “hard” look probably due to the hard lives they had led but this was not the case with Beth.) While out on bond for her original charge she got busted again. After the second charge she went home to her family and got her life together remaining clean but her past caught up with her,as it always does. After two years staying clean and working her court date finally came and she was sentenced to 15 years aggravated in TDC, the aggravated part of the sentence was due to the weapons. She was going to be locked up for awhile so she needed to have that mindset to protect herself. For some reason she let down her guard with me and we became friends talking daily (there wasn’t anything else to do) as we waited for all of our testing to take place. She was very sweet to me and shared some shampoo and some of her commissary because I didn’t have any money on my books yet. This was very nice because she had made a promise to herself that she WOULD NOT share commissary because she had already dealt with so many issues with commissary being in Dallas County and I understood that completely. You had to be extremely careful in prison or you would be taken advantage of and Beth was not going to let that happen. So it was then that we became friends under the harshest of circumstances but I was so thrilled to find someone that I could relate to and enjoy talking with.
We spent Thanksgiving in Woodman and had a nice Thanksgiving meal then Beth pulled chain and I wasn’t sure where she went. The rumor was we would leave Woodman and go to Dawson State Jail in Dallas waiting for our respective units to have room. But you just didn’t know what to believe and I was sad when she left because she had really been my only friend.
Not long after Beth left I was called in the middle of the night to pack my stuff because we were pulling chain. This was a lot different than my ride from Rockwall by myself. There were probably 50 of us who left that night and we were handcuffed and shackled together as we loaded the old TDC bus and headed for Dallas. The rumor turned out to be true and we were taken to Dawson State Jail. After being processed in we were sent to our dorms. It was a pleasant surprise when I got to my dorm and saw that Beth was in there also. Just like at Woodman we ate our meals together, went to church services, and just talked. The library would come to the dorm once a week and we would check out books and share them with each other. One morning Beth came running over to my bunk excitedly handing me a book telling me that I just had to read it. It was called “The Swan House” and it moved me deeply. (I never forgot that book!! When I got out of prison I had my daughter check it out of the library and last year I bought it off of Amazon). It is just one of those books that I can read over and over. “The Swan House” always reminded me of Beth and our friendship.
We spent Christmas in Dawson and had the worst meal you could possibly imagine. Our Christmas dinner was bologna and dressing. It was just so depressing to be away from your family during that time and bologna and dressing made it worse. I can still picture it on the tray. But having a few friends eased the loneliness. Not long after Christmas the call came in the middle of the night for a group to pack up because they were pulling chain. Beth was in that group. I realized then I might not ever see her again because there were countless number of units in Gatesville and the odds of us being sent to the same one was small. Crying we said our goodbyes promising to write each other and then she was gone.
A few days after Beth left I got a letter from her, it was very disturbing and she was having a hard time adjusting. She had been placed on the hoe squad at Lane Murray and she said it was just torture. They had to run three miles to where they would work and if you couldn’t keep up you would get a case and be in trouble. It wasn’t like we had spent the last two months working out so it was extremely difficult . After the run you would have to hoe with the squad. She said she didn’t know if she could endure this. My heart broke for her but there was nothing I could do except write back and try to encourage her. That was the last correspondence I had with Beth as I left for my unit not long after and began my sentence. I guess we just got caught up in our own lives on our different units but I never forgot her.
When I got out of prison and started getting my life back on track I would think of Beth every now and then. After I re-read “The Swan House” it made me want to reach out to her and see how she was. I knew her mother and aunt supported her through prison and I just wanted to touch base to see if I could maybe do something to help her out. She had such a long sentence I couldn’t even comprehend how that would affect you. You can use an online Offender Search on the TDCJ website to search for inmates so I put in Beth’s name and found she had been moved to the Mountain View Unit which is where the death row inmates are held and wrote her a letter asking her if she remembered me and if there was anything she needed. Of course I reminded her of the book and asked her if she remembered it.
A week or so later I received a letter from Beth telling me she did remember me but not the book , I guess the book made more of an impact on me. She told me how she taken some college courses but stopped because she got involved in a Braille program where they transcribed books for the blind. This program was supposed to give training so the girls could find employment when they were released . Beth was very hopeful about her first parole hearing and asked me to write a letter in support of her and send to the parole board so I did that. Beth said if I wanted I could send her some paper, pens, and stationary that I could order on line and send to her from an approved store. So I ordered the items she requested and had them sent to her then we lost touch again. Beth had been locked up about 7 years when we reconnected. I knew she was up for parole and the only way I would know if she made parole was to look her up on the online offender search. And sure enough one day when I put her name in the search engine it came back no one by that name. I then knew Beth had made parole and was so happy for her praying she could make it because it can be so very hard.
Well not too long ago Beth and I reconnected and decided to meet for dinner. She has been out two years, clean off of drugs, and has a job transcribing Braille. She loves her job and her life. She is a strong girl who makes no compromises which I love. She made her first parole but she had a long sentence so she will be on parole for awhile although there is a chance she could be released early for good behavior. It was great to see her and catch up. We made plans to be intentional so we could really get to know each other outside of the system that brought us together and I certainly hope we can do that.
Reader Comments (2)
I love reading your stories. They inspire me and make me very proud of you. You are proof that there is a God by the effect He has had on your life. I tell ppl that i can prove there is a God; Just look at my life and if that doesnt convince you, Nothing will. I love you Susan Deface, Oog-
I love reading your stories. They inspire me and make me very proud of you. You are proof that there is a God by the effect He has had on your life. I tell ppl that i can prove there is a God; Just look at my life and if that doesnt convince you, Nothing will. I love you Susan Deface, Oog-