Today marks 7 months: The last person to see and speak to Alexis : Jen Bernal, in her words.

              This was one of my favorite pictures of AlexisToday marks 7 months since Alexis Rose died. My heart is heavy and hopeful at the same time. I have spent my day finalizing the proposal for my book, working on the adoption of my Riley,  and  preparing to speak at Rockwall Heath High School tomorrow . As you can see I have been all over the place today. But as I reflect on her death I want to share a letter with you. Jen Bernal who is Riley’s babysitter and has been for approximately 10 months was the last person to see Alexis and speak to her. WOW !!! So awhile back I asked her to tell me about the day Alexis died. She sent me this last Wed although she wrote it awhile back , Jen's message to me : 

I wrote this back when I got your message, but have had a hard time sending it to you. I don't know why, I just have...I was watching a lifetime Christmas movie & bawled by eyes out the whole time I wrote it. :/ But I know you want it so here it is.<3 y'all.

The day Alexis died...

 It was a regular morning, but Alexis was running a little late. When she arrived she was all in a rush. I opened the door & she dropped Riley off & ran back to the car to get Riley's backpack. That moment instantly freeze framed in my mind. She ran it back to the door & told Riley, " I love you baby." as she ran back to the car & was off to work.
 A little later that morning we got the call. My phone was on silent so all I knew was Keith had called. I was all upset panicking thinking something had to have happened to my mom. I felt all worked up preparing myself for bad news, but nothing could have prepared me for what Keith had to say. When he told me Riley's mom, Alexis died I was in complete shock. First in tears then I kept saying,"I have to be strong for Riley. If the kids see me cry they will be upset. I'm okay, it's okay." Keith said, “It’s okay to not be okay. I'll be here if you need to talk." So I got off the phone & Richard asked what happened. He just knew by my expression &fell apart. We had been taking care of Riley for a little while &just started to really get to know Alexis a little better. All we could think about is how we wanted to scoop Riley up & hold her & love her because we knew how hard it would be for her when she found out. It hurt so bad looking at her knowing there wasn't a thing I could do to fix it. That this sweet baby would never see her mom again. All of the days Alexis had picked her up before replayed thru my mind. How Riley would run to the door & scream all excited,"Mommy!" & Alexis would say,"Hi babyyy!" It was so hard. Richard looked at me & said, “We will be here for Riley from this point on. In whatever way they need us to be." I agreed. We regained composure & I put on a movie thinking maybe it would help keep my mind off of things. It was "We bought a zoo". I had no idea what it was about when I turned it on, but it was exactly what Riley was about to face. A family that lost their wife/mother & moved & bought a zoo to try to cope with their loss. The kids all made pallets & watched the movie. Riley asked several times,"When will Mommy be here?" " I want Mommy." She didn't ordinarily ask. Her little eyes looked sad & like she was in deep thought. I felt like she just knew. She also told me her mommy's eyes were swollen. I don't know what that was about, but keeping it all together knowing what I knew when she said all this it took everything in me not to fall apart. The rest of the day is a blur. I kept our schedule as normal as possible until Warner, Sammy, & Shelby came to pick her up. After she left I cried like a baby.

This brought forth healing for me and I was so glad Alexis’ last words to Riley were "I Love You". I am so thankful for Jen. God is so good and bringing healing but STILL at times I am just shocked one of my children have died. Some of the hardest times are seeing that people are getting engaged, married, celebrating their 21^st birthdays. When I read these things I am so happy for the kids but saddened too because Alexis will never experience this but in those moments of grief I picture her smiling in Heaven and as Riley exclaimed this morning “ When we get to Heaven Momma will be my Momma again” I told her she is still and will always be your Momma, I will just be your new Momma until then : )) We hugged tightly and she smiled and said “Right now Momma is smiling and jumping from cloud to cloud"  I think she is right . Alexis is celebrating with all her friends getting married and turning 21. She is watching over all of us.

Comments

[Patti]

All of it...is so beautiful. Jenn. You and Richard are amazing. You and your family have been just an integral part of Alexis', the Roo and Snowy's story.

Then, at Alexis' wonderful Memorial, as we were leaving, an unforgettable moment. An angel quietly said my name. When I turned around, "It's me, Jenn." and her tee~tiny mini-me, little Elianna.

O, if only it was all fiction. The characters and every moment and every piece, e.g. Alexis' Cross, her Riley, her family and her BFFs, are incredible. We miss you, girl.

I love you, Susan...and Jennifer.