Another instance where God tried to open my eyes but I refused to see.

Yesterday  I went to Lakewood to have lunch with my dear friend Kelly Secker. It is always so nice to spend time with her . Each time I drive to Lakewood I always go down Garland Rd. under 635 to Gaston and never fail to notice the old Hypermart located on Garland Rd.  As I glanced at the closed building mixed emotions began to rise within me.  I only have one memory of going to that store and it ended very badly. It was 2001 and I was at the peak of my drug use but I didn’t have enough money to support my habit so I had resorted to getting pills for the cook I knew. The problem with this “2^nd job” was those pills were hard to come by. Trying to crack down on the manufacturing of meth you could only by 3 boxes at a time, it took a lot more than 3 boxes of pills  to feed my habit.  On this fateful trip , the only one I remember at this store, I bought some pills , bought some  face wash, and I shoplifted some boxes of pills. I went through the line and paid for part of my merchandise.  As I walked out of the store I was very nervous and anxious. Sure enough  a guy from the Loss Prevention Team ran  out of the store and stopped me. I was caught. He took me in the store and up to an office where he questioned me.  I thought I would be able to leave since the amount I shoplifted only came to about $11 but it turned out that I had a warrant for my arrest because I had gotten a ticket for my inspection sticker being out of date and had never paid it so I was arrested.  As the police arrived to take me to jail I stupidly told him I was a teacher at Lakeview Centennial High School.  I don’t know why I always did that , I guess in my twisted mind it made me sound better .  I needed him to know that even though I was stealing pills to support my meth habit I was a teacher.  It made me sound  respectable I guess. I don’t think he saw it that way. Immediately he called our SRO and told him what was going on. After being booked into the Garland jail I called my husband then my dad who paid to get me out. I made up some crazy story that I guess my dad believed on some level. The next morning I was called into the principal’s office to discuss my arrest. Honestly I can’t remember how I explained my actions but I did and went back to class . It was so humiliating on so many levels , everything was being exposed and I was running out of ways to cover up. That is one thing I hated the most about that time – everything was crazy and out of control but I still wouldn’t stop. The craziness was driving me crazy and my life was so out of control.  I have written in detail about God throwing bricks in my window to try and stop me , but  he started with rocks and I still couldn’t or wouldn’t  see a way out.  This arrest was horrific and so embarrassing  and I still didn’t change . In my sick mind I thought “ I have had a lot of bad luck lately ( totaled cars, lapsing insurance, DEA agents busting in on me, losing my job , being evicted from my home, etc)   things will turn around now.  I was thinking “how much bad luck can one person have, it is time for my luck to be good” Problem was that I was looking at myself as a victim when in reality I was creating all the chaos.  All I know is I was blind, looking back it is so clear but that is because God has opened my eyes and now I can see, for that I am thankful. Anytime I speak to someone struggling with drug use I tell them once they stop the craziness will end. It takes time and work to put your life back together but it is possible when the insanity ends.

I recently  learned that some people were mocking me because of my faith. At first my feelings were hurt because I am such a people pleaser wanting others to like me, I have always been that way . But the hurt soon faded and I didn’t care. My faith is genuine and I am so thankful for my relationship with Jesus because I know where I would be without HIM : if not dead , or in prison, I would be in that crazy cycle of addiction  . If that was the case  I would be mocked for being a strung out meth addict.   So I am proud to be addicted to Jesus now and people can think what they want. I will continue to share what HE has done and will do in my life.  There is no bitterness about these people making fun of me ,I will pray for their hearts to be softened and their eyes to be opened just like HE did for me. He has brought me a long way.

This is a simple form of persecution and the Bible warns us of this so I will shrug off my hurt feelings and continue to glorify God, who redeemed my life from destruction about 100 times .

1 Peter 4:16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

Comments

[Angela]

I can't believe anyone would ever mock you! You are amazing & I love you :)

[Lisa Smith]

I love that you are "addicted" to "Jesus". How cool does that sound? Love ya

[Haley Mohler]

Then you must be successful and doing something awesome, those kinds of people always have haters. :)