6/24/02- Two simultaneous accidents - Two different outcomes :(

Monday June 24, 2002 was a surreal day to say the least.  It had been a couple of weeks since I got my new possession charge and I was frantic, so scared my probation officer was going to find out so I stayed away from the house as much as possible.  My plan was to stay clean but I just couldn’t,  the addiction was too strong and I started using again a few days after I got out of jail.  I was feeling hopeless and knew my life was out of control again but I couldn't stop.  I just didn’t realize how far gone I was and how dangerous my life was becoming.

By this time it was just me and my Dad at the house in Rockwall. Sammy and Alexis were spending a lot of time at Warner's parents since I was back to using daily, Hailey was in and out between Rockwall and Wylie where their grandparents lived. The weekend before that fateful Monday I had gone to Kilgore basically to get high with some friends and to get away from Rockwall. It was just crazy times and the problem was I didn’t really know anyone in Kilgore.  The people I was acquaintances with were all using very heavily, no one really had a home or a place for me to stay. So I was going from place to place, just jumping around. I had been up for days and was running out of money so I knew I needed to get back to Rockwall. After driving around alone all Sunday night I decided to start the drive back home early Monday morning, the biggest problem was I was out of dope and very tired so the details are very blurry !

 I started going west on I-20 about 8:30 or so and was barely able to keep my eyes open.  Honestly I don’t recall the drive other than nodding off and shaking myself awake occasionally.  The next thing I remember was waking up as I ran off the road into a concrete culvert , shaking and wide awake now due to the impact I emerged from my car to investigate the damage,  the front end of my car was smashed  and my two front tires were flat,  the wheels were damaged and I knew the car was not drivable. Amazingly I was not hurt at all  because from the looks of the car I should have been injured , no one noticed  me or the car either, there wasn’t much traffic going west  that Monday morning. I felt invisible. Taking a quick look at the clock in my car  I noticed it was about  9:40 or 9:45.  I climbed up the culvert trying to figure out what to do. My mind was not clear and I didn’t have anyone to call so I began to walk. Looking across I-20 I saw a gas station/restaurant and decided to run over there and get some cigarettes and something to eat and drink. Then I would make my plan.

As I ran across the west bound lanes of I 20 I stopped in  the grassy  median of the east and west bound lanes.  I noticed there was a lot of traffic backed up heading east and wondered what was happening. As I ran across the east bound lanes between cars not moving I heard the sound of helicopters above. Meth tends to make you very paranoid  and delusional so I wasn’t sure if the helicopters were real or if I was having hallucinations. I just knew I was scared and wanted to get in the station and splash water on my face to try and gather my thoughts and distinguish what was real and what was an illusion. As I ran into the restroom I shivered slightly as I looked in the mirror. I looked horrible and worn out. I was somewhat surprised that my appearance went downhill so fast  I had only been using again for about a month,  before that I had over a year clean but I looked just as ragged out as I had when we got busted the year before.  I cupped water in my hand from the faucet throwing it on my face and wet my hair in the sink to try and clean up.  Looking in the mirror one more time a tear rolled down my cheek because the reflection looking back at me was obviously a drug addict, I hated who I had become. I pushed those feelings down , took a deep breath and went out to buy something. It was then that I  heard the sound of sirens and more helicopters.

Knowing this was not my imagination I walked out of the store and saw there was no movement at all on I-20 east. Looking up I saw that  some of the helicopters were  from  hospitals and some were from Dallas news stations. Fire trucks, highway patrol ,and ambulances were driving in the grass on the median I had just run across trying to make it through the traffic. Afraid and stunned by what I was witnessing I asked someone in the parking lot if they knew what happened and they said they weren’t sure.  As a policeman pulled into the station I got very paranoid because I was on drugs, I didn’t have any left but I did have paraphernalia on me.  To be honest I was freaking out because on some level I thought they could be looking for me because my probation officer had found out about my new charge  and issued a  warrant  and  sent the  Rockwall Sheriff's department to arrest me. That is what meth does , it is just unbelievable how your mind runs crazy. I know of tragic things that have happened when people were in a paranoid delusion due to meth.

I wanted to get away from the cops so I decided to run back to my car and charge my phone. As I ran to  it I noticed more helicopters  hovering overhead. Whatever happened was really bad and was really close . Although my car was not drivable I could start it , probably not the best idea but I wasn’t thinking clearly and needed to get the charge on my phone up so I could call and see if someone could help me and maybe find out what was going on. With all the news helicopters I was sure there was maybe a broadcast.  All I knew is something horrible happened because of all the emergency vehicles I was seeing  and I knew that it probably happened at about the same time as I fell asleep at the wheel and went off the road. Shaking I  got in my car, turned the key, and plugged my phone in. I rested my head back and closed my eyes wondering how on earth I was going to get myself out of this mess, not realizing how lucky I was to be alive because across that highway a bus carrying a group of teenagers to church camp crashed into a concrete pillar killing 5 people . The speculation was the driver fell asleep at the wheel. As  I thought about it later I realized that the bus crash and my crash happened about the same time, we had probably passed each other although I didn't realize that right before the driver and I fell asleep. I would run off into a culvert  and walk away without a scratch and the bus would hit a concrete pillar killing four innocent teenagers and the driver. For some reason God spared my life and it didn't seem fair at all . The timing of these two incidents were unbelievable and I am still processing that.

 

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[Steven Spainhouer]

Have you ever thought that maybe, you had a guardian angel?