My last quality moments with Alexis and more of her incredible journal :)

Hopefully you have been enjoying this journal of Alexis and it has given you a glimpse into her heart and soul. There weren't many entries and I only have a few more to share but again I am so thankful to God for them. They have blessed Warner, Hailey, Sammy and me  and brought comfort to my breaking heart. There are lessons for all of us, young and a little older :) through these writings. Today I just want to say hug the people in your life and speak words of encouragement that will build them up. Choose to see the best in them and speak to that. We are all wired differently so that is hard for some people to do. Alexis was very guarded but felt so deeply and you will see that in some of the later journals, you have already seent he depth of her wisdom. She was much wiser than her 20 years would suggest.

The last time I spent quality time with  Alexis was on Monday June 4, 2012  at Kenen's house, she was hanging out with Angela and Riley was playing with all the kids. I had stopped by to see her and give her a shirt that I thought would magnify her beautiful green eyes.  She was hopeful and excited about a new boy named Shane that she had gone out with and had asked her to the races for the coming weekend. It warmed my heart to see that shy smile when I asked if he was a boyfriend, just that special smile when a young girl feels a boy really likes her. She needed that desperately.  

We were trying to figure out babysitting for the coming Saturday June 9 because she was going to do some community service and then go to the races with Shane. As we walked outside I told her I was so proud of how responsiblie she had become and that all this mess was almost over and soon she would be free and clear not having to worry about her legal consequences.  During the last few months I had encouraged her to take everything one day at a time, one fine at a time, one class at at time because then it wouldn't seem so overwhelming. When we look at the big picture of all we have to do at times  it can be so overwhelming. I listed to her all the things she had accomplished and could check off her list.  I told her again this is almost over then you will finally have some freedom with your time and your money. I have never thought I had the gift of prophecy but I certainly spoke prophetically that day.  She is completely free from all the worries she had.

I also wanted her to see the car that I wanted to get for her, it was the one I was borrowing from Ramonne and Cheri since my car broke down. It is a 94 Maxima in great condition. She didn't look thrilled but when I told her it had an amazing air conditioner and a radio her eyes lit up and she hoped Ramonne would let us buy it from him. I told her we had been discussing it. Then we hugged awkwardly because hugs tended to be outside our comfort zone , that is just he way it was with us  but we tried because we loved each other deeply. Then we both said "I love you" at the same time. I got in the car and we waved.

We talked on the phone after that but that was the last time I really spent time with her until I saw her at the hospital after she passed. So thankful I went by Kenen's because I almost put it off until Thursday night which of course would have been too late. 

So my advice to you is :  love big my friends and don't put off until tomorrow what can be done today, you never know if tomorrow will come. I loved that girl , everything about her : her beauty, humor, love, and even her difficulties. I kind of rambled in this blog but I am going to leave it, it came straight from my heart. Below is the next journal from Alexis. So very thankful :)) As always trusting God daily . I am not only laying my burdens at the cross , I am laying down there too. Because it is at the cross  where grace and mercy meet. I need his grace and mercy constantly.

 

Comments

[Krista]

Susan, I read your blogs every time you post them. They seriously inspire me so much and I'm blessed to know someone like you. I'm also grateful for all the time I got to spend with hailey, Alexis, and Riley at your house when we were teenagers. Alexis was always so nice to me and I could see how great of a mom she always has been. I still don't understand why accidents and bad things have to happen to amazing people, especially with babies of their own....but reading your blogs and fb posts help me to understand it even more. I just wanted to let you know that every time I read your stuff it helps me to understand more about God and the way he works. Riley couldn't be more blessed than to have you, Warner, hailey and Sammy as a family. God bless you Susan, you are an amazing human being just like Alexis! <3