June 7, 2012- Alexis Rose Washington
Susan Washington
There are moments which mark your life. Moments that you realize nothing will ever be the same. And time is divided into two Parts: Before this and after this.
This saying has fit my life so many time but never more than now. As I was praying this morning and crying out to God in my pain he told me to write, he told me to journal. He reminded me of all the Healing that has happened through my writing for me and for others. That touched my heart so I am going to process about the morning of June 7 and share my experience.
I had left for work about 8:30 and decided to stop at Wal-Mart in Rowlett to buy these new Rembrandt whitening dissolving strips for my teeth, lip liner, and some sweet mint Orbit gum. I ran into the store and left my phone in the car. After buying the items I went back to the car and surprisingly didn’t think about my phone. ( Normally I have my phone on a charger and connected to my stereo so I can listen to my Itunes but since my car broke down I am borrowing a car and had just basically set the phone under the dash ) As I started to drive off I could hear the vibration of my phone because I had it on silent so I grabbed it and saw it was a 469 number and answered. A man asked to speak to Susan Washington and I immediately thought he was a sales person or a creditor so I lied and said there wasn’t a Susan Washington. He asked again if I was her and I said “No, who is this ?” and he said the Wylie Police Department. That caught me off guard because it was a 469 number and not a 972-442 number but I said “Oh I am Susan Washington I just thought you were a creditor or sales person “ and then he asked if I had a daughter named Alexis Washington. My mind started to race just random thoughts thinking she might have gotten in trouble or something but it was 8:30 so thoughts just kept bombarding my mind. He then said she was in a car accident and had been transported to the hospital and I asked if she was okay. He said he arrived on the scene after she left but that it was a bad accident. I freaked out and he kept asking if I was okay and I said yes. We hung up and I called Melanie and I know she could hear the fear in my voice. She wanted me to call Ramonne or Cheri to drive me but I was already on my way so I just overlooked that. I asked her to call Jeff , my boss, and tell him because I work alone on Thursdays so there would be no one to open the model. We hung up and I was trying to figure out where the hospital was , I just couldn’t remember. I normally don’t go toll roads but did that day ( I need to tell Ramonne because he will have Zip Cash charges ). I called Sammy and spoke to him telling him I didn’t know how she was but to meet me at the hospital, I called Hailey but didn’t reach her, then called Warner and told him telling him I would call when I got there. My mind was still racing and I began to wonder how she was transported. I had to know. So I called the police back and asked if she was transported by ambulance or helicopter and he replied ambulance. For some reason that made me think she was okay because if it was really bad they would have called Care Flight. So in a way I kind of felt peace that she was okay. As I drove on I called Angela because I knew I had taken her to see her dad at the Medical Center Plano ( I think) and I thought it was at 15th and Coit. I just wasn’t processing good and wasn’t sure about this hospital. Lastly I called Jill , I didn’t get her but she called right back and I told her Alexis was in a car wreck, she asked if it was on Parker and I said “Yes why do you know that?” Her housekeeper had come upon it and I asked what she said and I don’t remember how she replied but she protected me because she knew I was driving. Finally I arrived at the hospital and frantically tried to find the emergency room. After asking directions I sped to the parking lot and parked. The security guard who patrolled came and yelled at me to slow down and I told him I was sorry breaking down into tears. Then I ran into the ER and asked to see my daughter that I had been told she was transported there. They told me to walk through the doors. I went through and started looking for Alexis but they stopped me and told me to go sit in this room and that a nurse would be with me in a moment. I kept screaming is she okay and they just said a nurse would be with me. I was freaking out and alone, I have always been alone when my loved ones died and I was with them : with mother, daddy, and now Alexis. I was told of Kathey’s death over the phone. So I paced in this little room waiting for the nurse who came in and said a doctor needed to speak to me. My heart stopped for a second and I think I screamed. People in the waiting room told someone they hoped I was okay because I was screaming. I don’t recall that. But I just waited for the doctor and it seemed like an eternity. He came in and asked me to sit down. He told me the wreck was really bad and they lost her at the scene but I think he said they got her heart beat back for awhile ( I was hopeful again) but he said the internal injuries were too severe and she was gone. I am sure that is when I screamed. My phone went off with a text from Sammy saying he was there. And I didn’t know how I was going to tell him Alexis was gone. They were so close in age there was a twin like connection. So again I just waited for my baby to come to me. Then Hailey started calling and I ignored her calls knowing I needed to tell Tony’s mother . I couldn’t say this to Hailey over the phone.l think I screamed again not knowing what to do just waiting for my Sammy who I needed so desperately but I did not want to deliver this news. It is just surreal.
Reader Comments (2)
Susan, it is one of God's gifts to you that you are a journalist. Your ability to recapture every snippet of the mundane which is never mundane. Personally, I wish that I were with you wherever you go. When you describe going to Wal~Mart, I just wish I was bouncing in there with you. At that time, you were still bouncing. It is such a writer's POV how you remember every nuance and every exchange. You even remember when you don't remember...so that you can advance to the next part.
Today is different. The advancement was every Mother's worst nightmare in living color. Today it is my Snowy. Today it is her Alexis. Today it is Susan's Family. Today it is my wickedly witty and very pretty young friend, Alexis with the Chestershire~cat smile. Today we say, "Why?"
Today, Susan writes about it. It is one more Earth~shattering, bone~crushing experience in which an immediate member of Susan's family, that she has dared to love with all of her heart, has been suddenly taken in the blink of an eye in some horrible way. This time is classically different in that Alexis is one of her own little girls. Alexis, too, has a little girl of her own in Riley, Susan's first grand~daughter.
Without baggage or literary embellishment, Susan walked us through a rainy morning that rolled along like any other, with all of it's hiccups and loopity~loops. Then, accelerated onto spiritual ground that fiction rarely dares to tread.
Susan recently wrote about as a kid hiding away into the darkness of the theatre to watch movies and choosing to see "Ordinary People". She mused about MTM's character playing so cold and being so mean to her surviving son who felt he could only appease her by doing away with himself.
In thinking about that, Susan and her sweet and dear family: Hailey, Sammy, Warner, Riley, Kendall and Tony and forever Alexis, is all that and more ~ 180 degrees ~ from the energy in that high~falootin' home in the township of Lake Forest, "an affluent suberb of Chicago's Gold Coast".
Susan, this week in her writing and sharing with us where her mind was @, has recurrently used the word "raw". All praises to her raw and honest writing. Wishfully, it has been as theraputic and cathartic for Susan as it has been mind~blowing in it's purity and soulfulness from out here where we have stood helpless to turn back time.
My heart aches for you and your family. This is one of those times I wish I wasn't so far away. I am doing what ultimately I would have to do there...entrust all of you into God's hands. Love you Susan. I know you trust the Lord, I also know this kind of pain takes time. I too have many kinds of loss, but a child of 20 hasn't been one of them. I am on my face before God on your behalf.