The Tough Conversations we all MUST have !!

There are times in life when we must have tough conversations, difficult discussions that we dread. These talks could be confessing something we have done that might hurt a loved one, talking to someone about a behavior we are concerned about, or sharing the mistakes of our past. What makes this so difficult is we are taking a chance and we don’t know the outcome.  It is a risk when we have these discussions because it may change a relationship,  we may not get a job we are seeking, or there may be consequences that are undesirable. But in my opinion it is best to be honest because when we walk in truth we walk in freedom.  I have had to have many tough conversations , in my early life I just avoided them until anger or frustration built up and I exploded saying words I didn’t mean or not being honest about my past because I feared rejection.  Now I take the risk  understanding that the outcome might not be what I want but knowing it is the best to be walk in truth. I tried to pass this on to my children as well because they have seen the redemption and change in my life. Since the death of Alexis I have become friends with a lot of young adults so I thought this might speak to them. There were two instances where Alexis rose to the occasion and had those tough talks.  They have been on my mind so thought I would share them with you.

Alexis held two records at Wylie High School: )) One was for the most tardies and the other was for the most consecutive days in ISS (this title was achieved when she was VERY  pregnant for hitting a girl in the cafeteria and pouring a Dr. Pepper over her head ! I can’t tell you the number of times I would get a text that said “Mom, I’m in big trouble I hit someone but they deserved it “ and I would reply “ Alexis you have to quit hitting people there are more appropriate and LEGAL ways to deal with conflict”   Alexis was a fighter in every sense of the word !  She had such spunk.  From the time she was a toddler I just knew that the traits she possessed that were so difficult for us as parents were the ones that would set her apart. She had such inner strength and vulnerability at the same time it was a beautiful combination. I just knew God had big plans ………………………………………and HE did they just weren’t the plans I thought HE had)

But today I want to talk about the tardy record and how that led to a tough conversation.  Because Alexis had so many tardies , SHE ALWAYS HAD FRIDAY NIGHT SCHOOL !! ( I’m sure she had a record for that as well : ))) Friday night school was a given the only question was if it was a two hour sentence or a four hour one. Each Friday I knew I would need to pick her up at around 6 or around 8. One Friday about 5 o’clock I received a call from Alexis saying she would be home shortly, that surprisingly they didn’t pick her up for Friday night school.  Warning bells started going off in my head and I began to question her. (She was never a good liar, I could usually hear the lies in her voice ). Her next story was they came and got her for Friday Night School but they let her go. I knew that was nonsense and I asked her to tell me the truth,  she finally did.  Here was her version.

As the day neared the end on that Friday afternoon the students sentenced  to Friday Night School were taken out of class and put in a holding room where they were counted and attendance was taken. The next step was to be transferred to the class room designated for the punishment. This is where Alexis planned her escape. When the supervisor left the room, which left the students unattended for a brief moment, Alexis climbed into a cabinet and pulled the doors shut, she fit perfectly. Shortly after she hid the students were taken from that room leaving Alexis behind  in the cabinet.  She waited a period of time , then climbed  out of the cabinet and left the room running to freedom out of the school. She was never missed . Her great escape was a success until she called me and ultimately confessed. Holding back laughter and a little pride at her cleverness ( the criminal in me was impressed) , I told her she would have to turn herself in and confess to Ms. Morisak on Monday.

The following Monday when I dropped her off I reminded her to have that tough conversation . She reluctantly agreed. I told her to call me after the confession  and waited patiently for the call which finally came, a call from Alexis and a call from the Assistant Principal. Alexis  asked Ms. Morisak if she could talk to her for a moment and sat down and confessed her crime. If I remember correctly even Ms. Morisak had trouble not laughing and was surprised because she didn’t have a clue,  as far as everyone was concerned Alexis was present for Friday Night School !! Alexis was praised for being honest but she was punished for her behavior, as she should have been . Her punishment was more time in ISS. It was a very proud moment for me because she did the right thing even though she knew she would get in more trouble .  Knowing how much she hated ISS I knew this was  an extremely difficult conversation  .  I think she felt proud of herself too. It’s a given you feel better about yourself when you do the right thing even if the right thing gets you in trouble : ))

Now let’s fast forward a couple of years :  Alexis is out of school , struggling , trying to find her way in life. She had completed a Dental Assistant Program through Collin College hoping to find a job but those hopes faded fast as she sent out resume after resume only to be rejected each time. Being a young single mom was tough and without a job she was feeling very discouraged . One night she went to a party and made the mistake of drinking and driving. She got pulled over and arrested for DWI. This was another blow for her but being the fighter she was she never gave up.  Finally last year  a job opportunity with a church presented itself .  It was with the maintenance staff but was good pay with the possibility of benefits and could led to bigger and better things. It was a step in the right direction . As Alexis prepared for the interview she asked me if she should tell them about the DWI .  My response was “ Alexis I know this will be tough but it is best to  be honest: first it is the right thing to do because the application asks if you have ever been arrested and secondly  if you aren’t upfront and honest you will always be looking over your shoulder wondering if they will find out” She began to cry saying  “ But what if I don’t get the job because of this, I need a job so badly “ I just looked at her and said we could pray but that in my opinion she needed  to be honest . There was a chance she wouldn’t be hired because of this but that was a chance she needed to take. Not sure what she would do I drove her to her interview because her license was suspended because of the DWI. I waited outside the church as she ran in for her interview praying it would be a success. About 30 minutes later she returned with a smile of relief on her face.  I asked her what happened.  She had the tough conversation and  told him the truth. He said he admired her for her honesty .  He then told her after he ran her background check  he would be in touch. A few weeks later he called and offered Alexis the job. I’ll never forget the excitement in her voice when she called me saying she got it. This job was a turning point in her life. She felt better about herself, had some money in her pocket,  and saw hope for her future. Plus I believe on some level she felt proud because she had that tough conversation and thankfully it worked out well for her but regardless she KNEW it was the right thing to do. 

The irony that my daughter , who held the record  for being tardy at Wylie High School just a couple of years ago, died speeding to work because she was running late never escapes me. It seems she was always running late for most of her short life but one thing I do know is she arrived in Heaven right on time, God’s timing is always perfect :)

So as I said there are tough conversations that we have to have throughout our lives  and although they’re difficult it is best to gather  up the courage and have them .  The easy path is to not say anything and keep it hidden  but that will only be destructive and eat away at you.  If there is a tough conversation that you need to have ask God to give you the words and just do it,  but do it with love and gentleness whether it’s owning up to something you’ve done, talking to someone that you’re concerned about ,or even sharing the gospel with someone who is resistant . Ask God to lead you through it and HE will.