Trials in this life can be mercies in disguise

As I was getting ready this morning I noticed the remaining bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash that belonged to Alexis. Slowly we are running out of the bath items that belonged to her. As I looked at one of the almost empty bottles  a wave sadness came over me because at some point there won’t be any left. And that devastates me.  For some reason it reminds me of the photo in the movie ‘Back to the Future’ where the children are disappearing from the family photo because Michael J Fox’s character, Marty McFly, altered the future .  As with that photo items that were used by Alexis are slowly disappearing and it is as if I am losing her all over again. There is such finality in it.  That was my mindset as I shook and smelled the almost empty bottles , but then God spoke to me and I had a huge revelation about HIS AMAZING GRACE. 

Right before Alexis died my car broke down on 75. It was a major breakdown as I had blown a head gasket and it was going to be very expensive to fix . Many of my Facebook friends knew of this and were praying for me as this misfortune unfolded. What makes me recall this is after Alexis died I had three different people message me saying they had been praying for me that morning and what had prompted them to pray was the issue of my car. They were shocked when I posted about the death of my daughter.  They said I had been on their heart and I believe  there were probably others as well  that had been praying for me BEFORE Alexis died. 

Then I thought of our omniscient God that knows what is to come in all of our lives because our future is a memory to him.   Laura Story’s song ‘Blessings’ has a line  that has always spoken to me :“What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise".  I now believe the trial of my car blowing a head gasket was a blessing from God revealing HIS mercy because he knew what was about to happen to me. Through the trial of my car many began to lift me up in prayer and as the car situation worsened people prayed more. I believe on the morning of Alexis’ death MANY were praying for me, releasing God’s power over me not knowing I was about to experience the worst tragedy of my life.  I now know I was covered with prayer and that is how I made it through that day.  My dear friend Jill Crowe, who is an anchor in my life, told me she was in shock that day because of all that happened.  She met me at the hospital  and was on her way before she  knew the outcome . She said what stunned her the most was my reaction and how I handled myself in the midst of the grief of losing my daughter, my child.  God’s heart was reflected  because so many were already praying  releasing HIS power over and through me even BEFORE she died, even BEFORE the accident. I could literally feel HIS presence and HIS love as I grabbed Sammy’s hands and looked deep into his eyes telling him we were going to be okay, we were going to make it through this. That was GOD working through me to comfort my baby, God took over that day.

I never thought of it like that before , how the power of prayer was so relevant that day. It was an amazing revelation. I have handled tragic situations before without falling apart,  like finding my mother’s body, but at that time I felt as if I were about to explode, I was not okay by any means. The day Alexis died God was holding me up , he was my strength.   Losing one of my children was the worst tragedy imaginable to me. I remember on Memorial Day, just 10 days before she died,  thinking I have lost so many but I haven’t lost a child and I am so thankful for that  because that would be the hardest loss of all. I was right.  God knew that and He knew I  needed people praying for me .  He used my broken car to place me on the hearts of those who care for me.  He used my broken car for my good because HE knew my heart was about to be broken.  He is an awesome and amazing  God .