Alexis Rose Washington June 7, 2012 ( A little later still )
Susan Washington
I love her beautiful green eyes and this shows her spunk :)
Mustering up all the strength and courage that I could I began to walk down that stark white hall again, the memories that surfaced in my mind were of the recurring nightmare I had after mother died . David and Mother were in clown makeup chasing me down a stark endless hall ( it was my home on Van Pelt) accusing me of being a killer and a horrible person. I shook my head and rebuked that thought. I was not alone as I felt I was when I was18 and found my mother dead on that fateful Memorial Day. On June 7, 2012 I was surrounded by people who loved me , people who were demonstrating God’s love and grace at an unbearable time. People I was living life with , people who I had deep connections with through relationship and my church. I felt HIS presence and took a deep breath. She was in the last room on the right. Jeff and Jill were hugging me and I’m not sure who else was there but the nurse opened the door and I closed my eyes for a moment bracing myself. The sheet was pulled over her head and they went to pull it down reminding me they couldn’t clean her up until the medical examiner came. I opened my eyes and looked at my baby who had been so full of life and such a fighter. Her face was perfect except for the blood and there was a tube in her throat. I honestly don’t recall how I reacted and I couldn’t believe she was gone because she just looked perfect. I’m not sure where the blood had come from but I don’ think there was even a scratch on her ( which is a miracle because they wouldn’t even let me see the car because it was so mangled, but John who got her things out of the car said there was just a little space around the driver’s side uninterrupted.) I didn’t pull the sheet down to look at her body though. I’m thinking I hugged her. After awhile I wanted to leave the room and we returned to the little place that was now “our room” . By this time the Jensen’s had arrived ( they are the ones who lost their son Alex in a skiing accident ) Warner and his parents. It was heartbreaking looking at the brokenness in my husband. Hailey and Sammy were still so upset and I was just in a fog so I really only know this from my perspective. At moments I would run to them kneeling before them grabbing there knees saying we are going to be okay with as much strength as I could , sometimes I think it came out as a question pleading for their confirmation. And at times I was immersed in my own grief.
At one point I screamed I wanted a cigarette and Sammy looked up sharply and screamed “NO” I could see the fear in his eyes that a cigarette might lead to alcohol and that might lead to meth. Even though I really wanted one I said okay and he looked so relieved. It was so heart wrenching to not be able to relieve my children's pain. Hailey and Sammy just kept saying “no” and how they wanted to talk to her again. All I could do was hug them and assure them we would get through this somehow.
Alexis’ dad answered the medical examiners questions and then there was nothing else to do at the hospital . We needed to move on and begin to plan the arrangements for our baby. Before we left the hospital we decided on Monday evening because Lynn let me know that Keith was going to be out of town that weekend. One thing I knew is I wanted my pastor Keith Spurgin to lead this service. I picked 7 o’clock and felt a little peace that a decision had been made. I had to see Alexis one more time even though they told me they would let me see her cleaned up I just had to hug her . On some level I think I was scared they might lose her or something and I wouldn’t get the chance to see her again so I went in the room . Again I’m not sure if Sammy, Hailey, and Warner went. I think they did. My only memory is of Warner crying saying “he didn’t want to see her that way” but I think he did. I only knew I had to. I kissed her cheek and brushed back her hair with my hand. I then thought about the James Avery ring I had given her for graduation 2 years ago and I pulled back the sheet a little to see if there was a ringon her finger but there wasn’t . She had her James Avery Cross necklace and a belly button ring they had put in an envelope. On her ear in the cartilage area there was a bar thing and I guess they couldn’t get that out , not sure what that is called.
We all then left the hospital and Jill offered her home as a place to meet. Jill is an angel from God. Jill drove me and we left the car I was driving there, she said John and Johnny would get it, Keith drove Warner, Jake drover Warner’s car, Shelby drove my Sammy, and Tony drove Hailey and sweet Kendall Grace. As Jill and I left the parking lot she knew I needed Starbucks so we headed there and I got 2 Venti Skinny Caramel Lattes and we headed to Wylie. I was still having trouble processing exactly where the accident happened for some reason I thought it was near South Fork but then learned it was closer to Wylie so I asked Jill if she would show me where, she knew exactly where it was . So we headed toward the site.
Alexis loved life and treasured all living things : people, animals ( even insects),and from her journal I know she loved GOD
Reader Comments (3)
Wow, Susan. I can feel your heart break and all of the other family members too. You are such a brave women of God. I am so glad that you can write these things down and hopefully it helps you to be able to just remember and let us all know what you have and are going through. Love you my sweet friend. Keep writing.
This one had me crying; it was so very poignant. I felt like I was there with you all. I hope writing this helps you as much as it helps us. I feel like you are teaching us how a Godly person is supposed to act when hit with such tragedy. I know I say this a lot but, You Rock!
Your writing makes me feel like I was there with you. I am praying specifically for Warner.