June 8,2012: Seeing Alexis for the last time and the Cross on the side of the Road
Susan Washington
From the Blog : June 8, 2012 : The Day After Alexis Died
She looked so beautiful and peaceful. Nothing like mother , David, or Kathey looked when they had died. I had my dad cremated so I just stayed with him in the hospital after he passed so the images of him in my mind aren’t as frightening. This was such a blessing that she looked as if she were sleeping . I went and touched her hair which was wet for some reason, they must have just washed it , then I kissed her forehead which was cold. We made the decision to go get Riley since Alexis looked so peaceful. Angela was with us so she drove to Jenn’s to get Riley . We just stayed in the room taking turns being with Alexis saying our goodbyes waiting for Angela to return . Then Riley arrived...............................................
Angela brought Riley into the funeral home and we talked with her about what to expect when she saw Mommy. We told her it looked as if Mommy was sleeping and she would feel cold to the touch. Riley smiled bravely and we entered the room where Alexis lay. I carried Riley over to her and she bent down and kissed her forehead. The cold damp skin startled her and she wanted down. She talked to Alexis telling her she loved her but didn’t want to touch her again. Then we each spent time with Alexis alone.
The first thing I did was take her picture, I just had to. She looked so peaceful and serene. Sammy really didn’t want me to, he was emotional and just didn’t like the idea. But I had to. After I took her picture I just bent over her with my head on her chest , hugging her and crying, telling her how much I loved her , that I was so proud of her , and that I was going to miss her . I had to fight off many thoughts that were not from God, thoughts about the struggles in our relationship, the fighting, the ugly words said back and forth. But God’s peace came over me and I knew we fought because we were so much alike and I remembered the last day I saw her at Kenen’s house and how we laughed . That day she shyly told me about a new boy she liked and somewhat sadly told me how her old boyfriend David had a new girlfriend. It was a special moment because she really opened up to me sharing her feelings. I tried to focus on the good , and there was a lot of good. I left and everyone else took their turn alone to say goodbye. Not long after that Jill called and said the Funeral Home had contacted her and said it was time for us to go because they needed to transport her body. My heart began to race because I knew it was going to be the last time I saw her physical body and that was just so hard to accept.
We went back in as a family holding hands and prayed. Then we slowly left walking out of the room and I took one last glance back at my middle daughter, Alexis Rose, then shut the door. We glanced at some of the urns and some of the cremation jewelry deciding at some point we would get a bracelet or necklace and carry Alexis with us forever.
We got in our cars and drove to Jill’s for lunch and get ready for our meeting with Kerri to plan the service. My heart was heavy as I glanced out the window at the various businesses on Highway 78 wondering how on earth we were going to make it through this but I was standing strong in the Lord and the Power of His Might. I shut my eyes and prayed for strength.
Kerri arrived and the first thing we decided was the music for the video and for the service. One song that had been on my heart was the song Angel by Sarah MClachlan then Hailey suggested Over You by Miranda Lambert , a friend had told her about that song. Then it was time to gather photos of Alexis. Sammy and Shelby were in charge of that and would go through Alexis’ computer . We also gathered pictures from the kids childhood to include in the video. It was bittersweet to look at Alexis’ life through pictures and I was so thankful that Alexis took so very many photos. After that we needed to decide the order of the service and the music for that. I wanted both Kerri and Rita to play and I had already called Rita who graciously said she would be honored. My choice of songs was “ Shout to the Lord” which was played at both Kathey’s funeral as well as my Dad’s. That song is very special to me and touches my heart. The other song was “Healer” which brought me comfort because I needed to reaffirm that HE was my healer , that HE was all I needed, that He held my every moment and would calm my raging sea while walking with me through this fire I was going through . We picked the photo for the program and decided the order then we were done.
Riley and the others finished the cross and we decided to go put it at the site. First we made a stop at Walmart to by some flowers to put around the cross . We also laughed as we bought a box of Mashed Potatoes ( Alexis’ favorite food) and a bottle of Dr. Pepper ( Her favorite drink ). We loaded back into our cars and drove to the crash site.
Reader Comments (2)
So sad yet so full of hope, Susan. The next time you and Alexis see each other you will both have new bodies. And, oh, the things you will be able to do. There will be no barriers — you can walk through walls and go anywhere you want in an instant, just as Jesus did in his glorified body. Both of you will shine with the reflected and the inner glory of God.
Wow.
What a brilliant family you have. Forever, I will remember my delightful! day with Alexis. The details make the design.
You are a wonderful writer, Susan. Thank you for sharing this gift...and Your beyond powerful story.