The other day was the first time in over two years that I didn't wear my little green Alexis bracelet. I took it off because the green beads keep breaking and I am down to only two bracelets. I want to save at least one of these in the box of her things that will eventually belong to Riley. Her friends made and sold these bracelets to help Riley right after she died, it was such a thoughtful act during our tragic loss . Honestly I didn't think about it much yesterday but as I go...t in the shower this morning my bracelet with the missing beads was on the edge of the tub and a huge wave of grief washed over me. I tried to tell myself it was time and there is no way I could wear a plastic bracelet forever ( although right after she died I swore I would) and the best thing is to preserve one so we can remember as time goes on . Moving forward is so difficult because I have to let go and accept the fact that she is just a memory here on this earth and that breaks my heart all over again. I came into my room and just cried. I haven't cried like that in a long time. I can't explain it but I think I cried because I am healing and in a way I feel guilty that I don't miss her so terribly. I still think of her everyday but not as often. So I guess I cried because I don't cry as much anymore?? BUT I don't think I'm ready not to wear the little green bracelet so I will put one back on . That will leave one brand new , maybe when this one starts breaking it will be time . Only time can tell. So thankful even in the midst of this pain I can cling to the Hope I have in JESUS , knowing I will see her again. Grief has no time limit and is unique to every individual. I am also thankful to be a grieving CHRISTIAN because without CHRIST there is no hope . I know this because I grieved without him and almost completely self destructed but HE saved me !! I am so blessed and already feeling better:))