Today was my first time to speak at a county jail.  I spoke to two groups and it was so different than speaking in a prison. It seemed as if these girls had such attitude. I could feel it as they walked in the room and sat down. It makes sense though, many of them had just been arrested and they had not been locked up very long. As I looked at them I thought of those first weeks I had in county when I just knew I would get out soon thinking I didn’t really have a problem. I was never one to have an attitude like some of these girls did but I remember feeling it wasn’t fair that I was there, that law enforcement needed to focus on the criminals who were hurting others. I was so blind just like many of these girls. I did my regular ice breaker which is an optical illusion and it fell flat. Many of them seemed as if they could care less, the looks on their faces seemed to say “what can this middle aged woman have in common with me?”    As I began to tell my story they didn’t even laugh at my jokes which usually go over well. Feeling discouraged I took a deep breath and prayed for God to show up big time because this was not going well.  But I continued on knowing that if my story even touched one girl it would be worth it. Hearts were softened when I shared about my mother’s death then tears were shed when I shared about Kathey dying. Many nodded their head with understanding as I described my spiral into drug addiction, CPS taking my children, and those thoughts of suicide when I couldn’t see a way out of the mess I had gotten myself into. There were looks of shock and fear as I told about the crimes committed by the women I shared a dorm with at my unit in prison (Hilltop) and my days of slopping pigs.  By this point hearts seemed opened and the temperature in the room had warmed up drastically. They didn’t look at me with contempt and suspicion anymore. They cheered when I shared about my Dickey’s job, my teaching certificate being reinstated,  and the dream God has placed in my heart to become a speaker and write a book.  They thought I was done. They said “good job” but of course I wasn’t finished.  It always takes me a minute to tell about the death of Alexis. I have to pause so I don’t lose control. They could sense it and looked at me with dreaded anticipation and they were broken when they learned I lost my daughter. In that moment it seemed as if God opened the flood gates and the girls began to weep and share. They are all struggling with pain and guilt. One young girl was sobbing uncontrollably and I learned her 10 month old daughter had died recently. One was hysterical because her sister had died of cancer and instead of visiting her she spent her time high, and one felt guilty because her brother had committed suicide.  As they cried and shared they asked me how they could heal and I told them that I believed with all my heart healing was taking place in that moment as they shared their deepest pain.  Amazingly it did not end there, girls shared deep buried secrets , the secrets that are so destructive  and had such power over them..  I could feel the presence of the Lord as HE softened even the toughest girls tearing away the masks that they wore to protect themselves. As I walked across Commerce Street in the rain I looked up at God and thanked him again for using me because not only did the inmates experience HIS Healing Grace I did too.  God is so good and what I feared would be a huge failure by how it began ended in victory because of our Savior . I hope the seeds that were planted today will be nourished so they can move forward. I am praying hard for that and for those girls to make the right choice to surrender their lives to Jesus so they can walk in that freedom. It was very powerful, I am so very blessed that he uses me this way.  I read somewhere the best way Thank you JESUS!!