This morning I took Riley to get donuts. I went to the Donut Shop on Parker and Country Club because last time they had pink gingerbread man donuts and lady bug donuts which Riley loved. Sadly today they didn’t have the special donuts, they only make those on weekends but they did have pink sprinkles so she wasn’t too disappointed.
After I left I drove by our old trailer which is very close to that little strip center. As I parked in front of the trailer which sets far off the street I thought back to when we lived there.
That was where we moved when I got out of prison, it was the first time we had all been together – Warner, Hailey, Alexis, Sammy, and I – in about two years. It was the middle of June and I was acclimating to the “free world” which was a term used a lot in prison. As you can see this trailer wasn’t much there wasn’t even a driveway. There was a gravel road off of Parker that led to the house. But it was our home and it was so much nicer than prison. It was air conditioned for one !!!! As I think back on this time we had so much hope even though the circumstances were somewhat rough. I was on a leg monitor and could not leave the trailer for ANY reason unless it was for a job interview, an AA or NA meeting, or church. Any of those plans HAD to be scheduled two weeks in advance. It was difficult to make plans because Warner was working at Albertson’s and my license was suspended so basically I stayed in that trailer day in and day out for the next three-four months . The kids did the Wylie Wave that summer . Even though the leg monitor was a pain and not very pretty ( I had visions of a cute little bracelet for the ankle when I learned I had to wear the monitor and was somewhat surprised by how big and bulky it was) but STILL it was better than prison – no pigs to slop , no strip searches, and of course AC in the heat of the Texas summer. It was a time of rebuilding the broken relationships with the kids . I had hurt them terribly when I relapsed and got arrested. They didn’t trust me. It hurt so badly to see that lack of trust in their eyes. All I wanted was to restore those relationships again and do my best to not let them down. We spent a lot of time playing games and just doing life together.
I remember Alexis and Sammy would tumble in the yard in front of trailer and I would try to tell them how to do back handsprings, back flips, etc from the front door. Since I went to see my parole officer every two weeks I would have a little time so I could spot them on the tumbling stunts they wanted to learn. They both did great and doing round off back handsprings across the lawn. I literally could not step onto the “porch” or the monitor would alert the state that I had left. One time Alexis got hurt and was crying and I ran out standing right by the front door as Hailey went to help her in, within seconds I got a call asking why I left. I tried to explain but there was no mercy so I never ventured out again without permission.
Those were my nostalgic thoughts as I looked at the little trailer, in the summer of 2003 I never thought I would think of those times so fondly and I never thought I would be reminiscing about a child who died so young. It was really a simple time when the kids were younger and life seemed somewhat easy. As I pulled away and stopped at the stop sign I remember Alexis getting off the school bus one time . As she looked back to wave to her friends she ran into a pole. I’ll never forget her running in the front door breathlessly laughing at herself. She was somewhat embarrassed but she laughed. I always loved that she could laugh at herself. Then I turned onto Parker Rd to drive home passing the cross where she died a few miles down the road. It has just been a day of traveling down memory lane as I prepare for tomorrow and the home study. God is in control and my trust is in HIM. I have prepared to the best of my ability so I will LET GO and LET GOD. It was a fun trip back in time, if I have learned anything my life has taken a lot of unexpected twists and turns and many of these have been a result of my choices both good and bad. There are always consequences to our choices both good and bad.