As you know this has been a very emotional season for me. One thing the Lord spoke to me this morning was that Alexis’ death was so sudden and unexpected it was a complete and utter shock. That is a first for me. Although mother died young I expected her death, I prepared myself for it starting in 10th grade. I knew she was slowly killing herself with a bottle and I knew I would find her. I just wasn’t sure when so in a morbid kind of way I thought of her impending death for two years. I always thought I would run from the house screaming but I didn’t I just turned from the room stoically, walked down the hall, and called for help then waited . Although Kathey died young it was expected because of her illness as well as my father's death. And I’m sure David’s death was a lot like Alexis’ for my parents and sister, I was just too young to understand it all back then. All I recall is the tragic chain of events that occurred after David was gone.
Alexis’s death was tragic, shocking, and unexpected. I have been and still am to some extent in shock. That is what God revealed to me . Grieving my father’s death was so much easier, so in a way I have been unprepared for this overwhelming grief as but I don’t think you can ever prepare yourself for grieving the tragic death of your child.
Last night as I was driving home from work I headed down Parker Rd. as I always do. As I came into Wylie I heard the sounds of sirens then saw the red and blue lights flashing from the ambulance speeding down the winding road of Parker. I immediately prayed for the person in that ambulance and as always I thought back to June 7 and wondered if Alexis rode in an ambulance like the one I saw with the lights and sirens blaring. I assume that happened but I just don’t know. There are many things I don’t know about the scene of the accident that I have wondered about.
Earlier in the week I contacted the DPS Trooper who was assigned to Alexis’ accident. I knew there were photographs taken from the scene and after much consideration I have decided I need to see them. I know many people will disagree but it is something I need to do. There are not photos of Alexis she had already been transported, the trooper told me that. I felt a little funny asking him but he said that my request was not uncommon at all, that many grieving loved ones in my shoes want to see the photographs. He was so very kind to me and I remembered meeting him at the hospital. I really didn’t think he would remember me because I am sure he works a lot of accidents but he told me he did. He told me what he remembered most was me asking about the other driver and asking the Troopers to let him know I was praying for him. He said that touched his heart which in turn touched my heart. I made this call on Monday requesting a copy of the photos. He told me he needed to talk to his sergeant to see the protocol for this request and he said he would call me back. I heard back from him on Friday and he let me know if I want a copy of them I need to do an open records request and bring it to the McKinney office and that is what I am going to do.
Honestly I don’t know why I need to do this but I do. Maybe it is because I grew up in a home where we never faced anything we shrunk back from the truth so everything was a façade. I know I am strong and can handle it. So many people told me not to go see the car and I ignored them and went without telling anyone I was going. I had to face it and I did and it didn’t kill me. Honestly after seeing the car I experienced God at a much deeper level. So next week time permitting I will go to that office and get photos from the scene. I will look at them then put them away and I believe I will heal a little more and have another piece to this puzzle and with that I will feel a little stronger. As I said it is something I need to do.